Stumbling Towards Contentment
by Ginny3
Summary: Sequel to The Not So Merry Month of May. Seven months after the stroke Josh and Donna are struggling to find what's best for their family.
1. Default Chapter

Stumbling Towards Contentment-Sequel to The Not So Merry Month of May  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
December 2013  
  
  
  
Donna sighed as she heard the sound of Josh and Ben coming in the front door. It was Thursday, the night of Josh's late class. The class she didn't want him to teach but Josh had stubbornly refused and as a result usually spent most of Friday resting and regrouping. Fortunately Donna had talked him out of teaching on Fridays this semester, his first one back after the stroke. Josh had originally been scheduled to teach only two classes but at the last minute someone was needed to lead a small discussion class that met on Thursday nights. Josh had volunteered over Donna's protests. And now as the semester was drawing to a close he definitely wished he had listened to his wife in the first place. It put a bigger strain on him than he let on. He was used to crashing in bed by 10:00 most nights. And now it was almost 10:30 when Donna got up to head to the front door.  
  
Donna greeted them both, kissed Josh and helped him take off his coat. Ben took Josh's backpack and dropped it on the stool in the kitchen on his way to the fridge for a snack. Josh headed wearily for the family room.  
  
"There's leftovers on the top shelf." Donna called as she shut the closet door after hanging up the coats.  
  
"Thanks." yelled Ben with his head in the fridge.  
  
Donna went in the family room to talk to Josh.  
  
"How was class?" she asked him as he tossed his cane aside and dropped into the recliner.  
  
"Good. But I'm glad there's only two more weeks left in the semester." he said wearily. "Feel free to say, 'I told you so' anytime you want Donna." he added with a smirk.  
  
Donna laughed with just a bit of bitterness as she balanced herself on the arm of the recliner and leaned over to plant a kiss on the top of Josh's head. "Why bother, it's not going to change things. Did you eat dinner?"  
  
"Not really, wasn't hungry." he sighed as he reached for the remote and clicked on CNN.  
  
"There's enough leftovers for you and Ben. But I would get there soon. He was looking pretty hungry." teased Donna as she tried to lighten the mood in the room a little.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Pork chops and rice with broccoli."  
  
Josh seemed to contemplate the menu for a minute and then declined, "I'm ok. I'll take a cup of tea though."  
  
"Sure."  
  
Donna squeezed his hand and go up to leave. She stopped to look back at Josh before leaving the room. He was kicking off his shoes, already engrossed in the news.  
  
Ben was eating at the kitchen table, a textbook propped up in front of him.  
  
"Hey Donna. Josh going to eat?"  
  
"Nope, it's all yours." she said with a grin. "Did he eat anything today?"  
  
"Not much that I saw. I picked up some soup for lunch. He had about half of it. He was pretty quiet today too. Just didn't quite seem himself."  
  
"Thank God the semester's over soon. He'll have a month to rest before the next one."  
  
Donna put the kettle on for tea and popped the rest of the leftovers in the microwave for Ben.  
  
"You didn't have to do that Donna but thanks." he said with a smile as she put the plate of food in front of him. "You need me for anything tomorrow night?"  
  
"I don't think so. Hot date?"  
  
"Well, I don't know about hot, but yeah, I have a date." replied Ben as he turned a nice shade of pink.  
  
Donna loved to tease him about the never-ending line of girls he dated. Unfortunately none of them stuck around very long and Donna sometimes felt that was because of Josh. He had the tendency to scare off Ben's dates as he had done to her years before. Ben assured them that Josh wasn't the reason he never kept a girlfriend very long. The truth was he was always busy. He had school and his job as Josh's extra hand, driver, and occasional babysitter for the boys. He was a serious student, but like Josh, his IQ didn't break the bank and he worked hard for every grade he got.  
  
Donna smiled as she watched him eat and study at the same time. He had been with the family for nearly 6 months and they couldn't image life without him. He was a big brother to the boys, a friend to both Josh and Donna and a tremendous help all around. He drove for Josh, helped as an assistant in Josh's office, baby sat for Jake and Jessie.  
  
Most of all he was an extra set of eyes for Donna. She worked long hours herself and needed someone to keep an eye on things at home, to keep an eye on Josh. Despite the stroke he still had a tendency to push himself too hard and get too run down. It was a full time battle to get him to slow down. But Ben was good at getting him to slow down without actually coming out and telling him to. The way he interacted with Josh reminded Donna of the way Charlie was with Jed years earlier. Supportive without being smothering, able to run interference when needed, quick with a joke, a couple of tea or a few Tylenol. Josh gave him a hard time once in a while but Ben knew how to handle him. He knew when to push, when to back off, when to rat Josh out to Donna and when to just be his friend.  
  
"Donna....Donna, the kettle's whistling."  
  
Ben's voiced snapped Donna back to the present. She poured the tea and grabbed a container of yogurt out of the refrigerator, determined to get Josh to eat something.  
  
"There's ice cream in the freezer," she called to Ben over her shoulder.  
  
Josh was right where she left him, staring at CNN, absently tugging at his earlobe; something he did when stressed or bored. Donna put the tea on the small table next to Josh and handed him the yogurt and a spoon. He looked at it with mild disgust and decided that eating it was probably easier than arguing with Donna about it.  
  
Donna sat down on the couch, curling up in the corner with the stack of files she had been reading through when Josh and Ben got home. She read for a while with one eye on the papers and one eye on Josh. Ben was right, he was very quiet. He finished the yogurt without a complaint and was halfway done the tea before he even said a word.  
  
"Go ahead and ask." he said with a sigh as he flicked the channel to ESPN.  
  
"Ask what?" muttered Donna, determined not to get sucked into their strange game of 20 Questions.   
  
She was tired of having to drag everything out of Josh. It was like he wanted to talk but wanted her to beg him to do so. And she was tired of it. She had tried to cut him some slack for as long as she could. But now, 7 months after his stroke she was sick of begging to get him to communicate. It was just plain tiring and she had better things to do with her time.  
  
Josh looked at his wife and wisely turned off the television. He slowly got up out of the recliner and moved to sit next to Donna. He gently removed the files from her lap and curled up next to her. She put her arm around his shoulders and kissed his forehead. Josh took a deep breath and shivered slightly.  
  
"Cold?"  
  
Donna felt Josh nod against her chest. She reached behind her and pulled the afghan down throwing it over the both of them.  
  
"Wasn't a good day today." Josh confessed as he wrapped his arm around Donna's waist.  
  
"Didn't think so. Physically?"  
  
"Yeah. Leg was stiff, had trouble eating."  
  
"Sick to your stomach or have trouble swallowing?" asked Donna.  
  
"A little of both, mostly had trouble swallowing."  
  
"It's been happening frequently. Did you mention it to the doctor last week?"  
  
"Yeah, she said some of it was a lingering side effect from the stroke and some of it's..." Josh trailed off as he yawned.  
  
"All in your head?"  
  
"Yeah. Along with the pain in my back." laughed Josh.  
  
"You want anything else to eat?"  
  
Josh shook his head.  
  
"Why don't you go to bed?"  
  
"I have some reading to do." he muttered, clearly not in the mood to do any of the reading.  
  
"Do it tomorrow. You'll have time. Come on, why don't you take a warm bath. I'll make you another cup of tea. I bought some bubble bath."  
  
"And how can I refuse an offer like that?" smirked Josh as he sat up.  
  
"You can't. Let's go." said Donna as she stood up and reached for his cane. He took it with his usual sigh. Soon after the stroke he had realized the cane was going to be part of his existence for the rest of his life, much to his disdain.  
  
Josh headed for the bathroom while Donna went to make some more tea. Ben was still in the kitchen, washing up the few dishes that were in the sink.  
  
"You don't have to do that Ben."  
  
"It's not a problem. Josh ok?"  
  
"Yeah. He admitted to having trouble swallowing today."  
  
"I figured that's what it was. I thought that was supposed to basically go away with time."  
  
"It was, but for some reason that problem just keeps hanging on. Do me a favor and keep an eye on him tomorrow. I just have this feeling we're headed for trouble."  
  
"Sure. Should be a light day, he's got office hours in the late morning and that's it. I'll call you if anything comes up. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow."  
  
"Good night Ben."  
  
By the time the tea was ready Josh was already in the large sunken tub in the master bath. He was flipping through the latest copy of Woman's Day he had found sitting in the basket next to the sink.  
  
"Anything interesting?" asked Donna as she shut the door behind her.  
  
"Well, according to this survey I'm not at risk for osteoporosis or premature menopause." he chuckled as he tossed the magazine aside and slid further down until the water came up to his chin.  
  
"That's good. Here, careful, it's hot." said Donna as she held the mug out to him.  
  
Donna put the lid down and sat on the toilet seat. Josh took a few sips of the tea and set the mug down before sliding back under the water. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of the bubbles. It was some bubbles made for cranky babies but Donna had kept a supply around long after the boys were past the cranky baby stage. She had found it worked wonders on cranky, middle-aged political advisor/professors too.  
  
With Josh's eyes closed and him only half awake she had a chance to get a good look at him. She wasn't happy with what she saw. He looked exhausted and not just the normal tiredness that usually showed in his face as the week came to an end. He seemed to have gotten more gray hair overnight. The circles under his eyes never quite went away completely.  
  
"Do I look that bad?" asked Josh quietly as he opened his eyes and found Donna staring at him.  
  
"Pretty much." replied Donna with a sad smile.  
  
Josh didn't respond; he just leaned forward and turned on the faucet to add more hot water. "You wanna come in?"  
  
"Sure"  
  
Donna slipped off her sweat pants and t-shirt while Josh poured some more bubbles in. He scooted forward to let her slip in behind him. She sank into the warmth with a heavy sigh, pulling Josh to her. He leaned his head back on her left shoulder and laced their fingers together on his chest. They stayed like that for a while. Josh eventually untangled their fingers to reach for the tea. Donna slipped her arms under the water to warm them up. She ran her hands along Josh's ribs, frowning to herself when she realized she could plainly feel each and every one of them.  
  
"Josh, you're too skinny."  
  
"I know." muttered Josh, knowing that the easiest thing to do was agree with her, especially when she was right.  
  
"Have you decided what to do about the night class next semester?" asked Donna.  
  
Josh had been asked by Jerry Blake, the head of his department to keep the same schedule for the following semester. The Thursday night class was a sore spot with Donna. She didn't like the idea of the late class. But if he kept the same schedule he would still have Fridays off to rest.  
  
"No, but I have to let Jerry know by the end of next week. But I'm leaning towards taking it. Try and understand."  
  
"I do understand Josh. I understand perfectly why you want to teach this class. This class is a room full of people who are just like you were 30 years ago. And you love it. But I'm worried about you. DO you even get that?"  
  
"I know, I'll be fine. Trust me?"  
  
"I'll try." she whispered as she absently ran her fingers over the pale scar that bisected his chest. It was faded but the memories lingered on, showing themselves in the form of nightmares and panic attacks that refused to fade away completely.  
  
"Let's get out."  
  
"OK" agreed Donna.  
  
She got out first, dried off and threw the t-shirt back on. She handed Josh a towel and held out her hand for him to take as he climbed over the side of the tub. He kind of gave her an annoyed look and climbed out himself. Luckily Donna's reflexes were quick and she managed to catch him before he fell. He went into the bedroom and put on his pajamas without a word. Donna did the same. She thought about trying to talk to him but sometimes at the end of a long day she just didn't have the energy. And today was one of those days. She sighed to herself as she realized "those days" were coming more and more frequently.  
  
  
  
Twenty minutes later they were sound asleep.  
  
TBC 


	2. Ch2

Stumbling Towards Contentment 2/?  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
  
  
The following week flew by. Josh was wrapping up his classes. Donna was  
  
busy at work, getting things ready so they could all enjoy their winter  
  
break. The boys were looking forward to vacation.  
  
The family, and Ben, managed to all eat dinner together the following  
  
Thursday before Josh's class.  
  
As was usual on Thursday, Josh dragged himself in the door after class. He  
  
didn't even bother to stop for a snack when he got home. He just headed  
  
straight for bed. Donna just rolled her eyes at him and went into the  
  
kitchen.  
  
Josh slept soundly for the first time in a few nights. Donna let him sleep  
  
in, taking the boys to school herself.  
  
Ben knocked on the door to Josh and Donna's room a little after 10:00. He  
  
loathed waking Josh up the same way Charlie loathed having to wake Jed.  
  
"Josh, you up? You have office hours in an hour. It's snowing, we need to  
  
leave early." No response. "Josh," he tried a little louder.  
  
That was enough to get Josh moving.  
  
"Yeah, I'm up. I'll be ready in half an hour."  
  
Exactly 29 minutes later Josh and Ben stepped out the front door and into the  
  
first snowfall of the season. I was also the first snowfall where Josh had  
  
to rely on the cane and Ben was keeping a close eye on him to see how he was  
  
doing.  
  
"Benjamin Weaver, I am fine. I'm not going to fall." said Josh as he tried  
  
to whack Ben in the knees with the cane.  
  
"OK," chuckled Ben as he hit the remote to unlock the door.  
  
Josh really shouldn't have spoken so soon about not falling.  
  
His office hours were over and he was supposed to meet Ben in the courtyard.  
  
He had just stepped down off the bottom step of his building and the cane hit  
  
a patch of ice. He tried to grab onto the railing and would have made it if  
  
it hadn't been for his backpack. It slid down his arm and the sheer weight  
  
of it pushed his arm down and he wasn't able to catch himself. Ben saw the  
  
whole thing happened from where he was waiting, not 20 yards away. He was at  
  
Josh's side in an instant. By that time Josh was sitting up with a gloved  
  
hand pressed against the back of his head.  
  
"Let me see." said Ben as he carefully moved Josh's hand out of the way to  
  
reveal a gash. It wasn't very long but it was deep enough that it would need  
  
a few stitches to close. Josh reached into his pocket with his other hand  
  
and produced his handkerchief. By now a small crowd was gathered around them.  
  
Much to Josh's annoyance. Ben grabbed Josh's glasses that were sitting next  
  
to him on the ground. He held them up in front of him and determined that  
  
they were still in one piece. He carefully put them back on Josh.  
  
By now Jerry Blake had wandered out to see what the commotion was. He helped  
  
Ben get Josh on his feet and they walked slowly over to the university's  
  
infirmary so they could have someone take a look at Josh's head.  
  
"You want me to call Donna yet?" asked Ben as he helped Josh up onto the  
  
table in the exam room.  
  
"Nah, let's see what they say. Who knows, maybe I just need a Band-Aid."  
  
Ben just shook his head and rolled his eyes as he took a good look at the  
  
blood soaked wad of gauze Josh was pressing against the back of his head.  
  
Ten minutes later the doctor had cleaned up the cut. He would have had no  
  
problem stitching it up for Josh but he wanted Ben to take Josh to the  
  
emergency room. The doctor wasn't impressed with how Josh's eyes reacted  
  
when he shined the light into them. He was worried about a possible  
  
concussion and wanted someone else to take a look at him.  
  
"Now can I call Donna?" sighed Ben.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Donna was in Billy's office; they had just finished up a late lunch and were  
  
going over what needed to be wrapped up before the break. Donna's assistant  
  
Megan knocked softly and poked her head in, informing Donna that Ben was on  
  
the phone. Donna excused herself and quickly went into her office to take  
  
the call.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked.  
  
"Don't panic. It's probably nothing major..."  
  
"Ben." she said in a tone that told him to get to the point, and fast.  
  
"Josh slipped on the ice and hit the back of his head. The doctor here at  
  
the infirmary said it'll need a few stitches. He's not impressed with how  
  
Josh's eyes reacted to the light so we're heading over to GW so they can  
  
check for a concussion. We'll be there in about 20 minutes."  
  
"I'll meet you there."  
  
Donna grabbed her things, told Megan what happened and asked her to tell  
  
Billy. She was out the door and on the cell phone getting someone to meet  
  
the boys after school in case Ben didn't get home in time to meet them.  
  
Josh had just been taken into a room when Donna got there. A shudder ran  
  
through her as she stepped into the Emergency Room. She brushed aside the  
  
memories and went to the desk to ask where Josh had been taken.  
  
She pushed the door open. Ben was pacing around the room nervously; Josh was  
  
sitting on the exam table, looking down, trying to rub the blood off his  
  
hands. The annoyed and pissed off feelings she had been hanging on to over  
  
the past week melted away at the sight of Josh. No matter how pissed she was  
  
or how big a pain in the ass he was being, the sight of Josh in pain was  
  
enough to break her heart. It always had been and unfortunately for her,  
  
Josh knew that.  
  
"Josh." sighed Donna trying to hold back the tears she was surprised to find  
  
in her eyes.  
  
"I'll just...." Ben trailed off as he stepped out of the room.  
  
The doctor came in a few minutes later. He stitched Josh up and did a quick  
  
neurological exam. His findings were the same as the doctor at the  
  
university and he sent Josh for a CAT scan.  
  
Donna went to give Ben an update and to send him home to meet the boys. The  
  
doctor came out to get her when Josh was back in the room.  
  
"How is he?" she asked nervously.  
  
"Let's go in a see him. I'll explain our findings."  
  
Donna got a look of panic on her face.  
  
"Mrs. Lyman, he's going to be fine. Don't worry."  
  
Josh was curled up on the bed when they got into the room.  
  
"Hey." he whispered, "Well, am I going to live?" he smirked.  
  
"Yeah, I think you have another few years left." chuckled the doctor.  
  
"Seriously..."  
  
"Based on your recollections and those of your friend plus the findings from  
  
my exam and the tests I'd say you've got yourself a nice concussion. You'll  
  
be fine in a couple of days..."  
  
"Great. Donna let's go."  
  
"Whoa, Josh, slow down." said Dr. Baines as he put his hand on Josh's arm.  
  
"Given your history I'd like you to stick around for a little while. We'll  
  
observe you for a few hours and if you're not having any problems we'll let  
  
you go. Deal?"  
  
"Fine." sighed Josh.  
  
"I'll arrange for another room. Things are a little nuts here in the ER this  
  
afternoon. Lots of weather related accidents." he said with a grin.  
  
"Funny." snorted Josh.  
  
Half an hour later Josh was settled into a private room. The headache that  
  
had been building since the accident was out in full force. The nurse gave  
  
him some Tylenol and Donna turned the light off in the room so he could try  
  
and get some rest.  
  
"You'll stay?" he asked Donna.  
  
"Of course."  
  
Donna pulled up a chair and gently brushed back his hair and caressed his  
  
cheek until he fell asleep. Two hours later the nurse was back to see if she  
  
could wake Josh easily. He woke up easily but unfortunately he also woke up  
  
sick to his stomach and puked on the nurse's shoes. She took it in stride  
  
and helped Donna get Josh cleaned up before she went to change her scrub  
  
pants and her shoes.  
  
After settling Josh down Donna went to get some ginger ale for him and to  
  
check the messages on her cell phone. Sam had called the house and Ben had  
  
relayed the latest news so he called to check up on the situation. Donna was  
  
going to step outside and call him back but she knew Josh would start to  
  
panic if she left him alone too long. Between the shooting and the stroke  
  
Josh didn't do well in a hospital at all.  
  
Josh was curled up on the bed, facing away from the door when Donna got back  
  
to the room.  
  
"Hey. Feel any better?" she asked as she nudged him over a little so she  
  
could sit on the bed.  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Here try some of this." she said as she handed the soda to him. "Sam called  
  
the house. Ben filled him in."  
  
"Don't tell me, he hopped on the next flight out here." snorted Josh.  
  
"No. I didn't call him back. I'll call him after we're home." said Donna as  
  
calmly as she could. "And he didn't hop on the first flight out when you had  
  
the stroke. He waited for a few days. And let's not forget he was a huge  
  
help when we finally got home."  
  
"I know." whispered Josh. "It's just...I don't know...I feel..."  
  
"Sshh, honey, it's ok. Close your eyes and get some more sleep before they  
  
come to wake you up again." suggested Donna as she rubbed his shoulder. At  
  
the moment she was feeling it would be a lot easier to get him to sleep than  
  
it would be to talk to him.  
  
Josh chuckled a little and closed his eyes. He slept peacefully until the  
  
nurse came to wake him again. After repeating the scenario one more time the  
  
doctor released him.  
  
A little before midnight Josh and Donna returned home, completely worn out.  
  
"Josh you hungry?" she asked as she headed into the kitchen.  
  
"I don't think I'm ready to eat yet."  
  
"Then why don't you just go to bed." she said flatly.  
  
Her tone surprised both of them. Josh just stared at her for a minute, not  
  
quite sure what to make of it.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just been a long day." she sighed. "Go get into bed, I'll  
  
bring in some ginger ale."  
  
"Thanks." replied Josh as he turned slowly down the hallway.  
  
Donna hunted in the fridge for the soda. Josh was asleep by the time she got  
  
to the bedroom. She put the soda on the night table and pulled the covers up  
  
around him. She watched him for a minute, trying to figure out where her  
  
attitude had come from all of the sudden.  
  
And she realized, it hadn't happened all of the sudden. It had been building  
  
for about 7 months.  
  
For the first few months after the stroke Josh had wallowed in a pity party  
  
of his own. And Donna had let him. Looking back that probably wasn't the  
  
best thing she could have done. But it was the summer, the boys were off and  
  
it was just easier to take them out, do stuff with them and leave Josh home  
  
to brood.  
  
Physically, by the middle of July, Josh had come back as far as he could.  
  
Using the cane full time, suffering some from residual swallowing  
  
difficulties. He still had pain and stiffness on his right side from the  
  
shooting. Those things Donna had no problem handling. But the "poor me"  
  
attitude grated on her nerves like nothing she had ever known.  
  
Things came to blows when Josh had decided, thankfully on his own, that he  
  
could no longer drive. The house had not been a fun place that week.  
  
Fortunately that particular week the boys were at sleep away camp for the  
  
first time.  
  
TBC 


	3. Ch 3

Stumbling Towards Contentment 3/?  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
That week was the first time Donna had lost her cool since the stroke. Things  
  
had just been building up inside and she had had enough. She held nothing  
  
back as she let Josh have it. Yelling like she hadn't yelled since they were  
  
in the White House. And he yelled right back. And in some strange way it  
  
was good for both of them. Donna got to get rid of some things she had been  
  
hanging onto for months. Josh learned he could still bellow with the best of  
  
them.  
  
There were two things that resulted from that incident. One was that Josh  
  
reluctantly agreed, after much discussion, to seek outside help in dealing  
  
with his emotions. He turned to Jed for advice and guidance. Jed had come  
  
down to Washington for a few days at the end of the summer. He spent time  
  
with Josh and Donna together, with them separately and with the family as a  
  
whole. It was Jed who had finally gotten through to Josh that he needed  
  
help. It was also Jed's idea to get some help at home. To give Donna a  
  
break and to help Josh regain his sense of independence.  
  
So the second result was Ben. And his arrival helped a lot. Not just due to  
  
the things he did that were expected. It got better in that it gave someone  
  
for both Josh and Donna to talk to. Someone objective, someone who hadn't  
  
known them for years and years. They took great pains to make sure they  
  
didn't trap Ben in between the two of them. He was good at listening to both  
  
of them. He was careful not to run to one of them to tell what the other had  
  
said. He held things in confidence, up to a point. And Josh understood that  
  
Ben's confidence ended if he was in trouble, either physically or  
  
emotionally. Ben was fiercely protective of Josh. Most of the time that  
  
meant protecting Josh from himself.  
  
Lately it seemed like Donna was relying more and more on Ben for information  
  
about how Josh was doing. And it annoyed her, with good reason. She didn't  
  
feel she should have to get her information from anyone other than the  
  
source.  
  
The source that was currently moaning softly in his sleep.  
  
Donna got up from the overstuffed chair where she had been reading and  
  
thinking. She sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to place her hand  
  
on his chest. He flinched immediately at her touch, curling up in a ball  
  
facing away from her, wrapping his arms protectively around himself.  
  
As Donna expected, the soft moaning eventually gave way to restlessness and  
  
the inevitable thrashing that accompanied Josh's nightmares. She knew from  
  
years of experience that if she woke him up too soon the nightmare would  
  
return when he fell back to sleep. So she crept out of the room and headed  
  
for the bathroom. She returned a minute later with a damp washcloth and a  
  
couple of Tylenol.  
  
Josh had rolled over into the middle of the bed. She could tell he was  
  
trying to wake himself up but without much luck. She put the pills on the  
  
table and set the washcloth on the other pillow. With a tentative hand she  
  
reached out to try and calm him down.  
  
"Josh, honey, wake up. It's ok, open your eyes." she whispered as she gently  
  
shook him by the shoulders.  
  
The thrashing came to a stop. His eyes opened and the cloud of confusion  
  
slowly gave way.  
  
"Donna?" he moaned.  
  
"Yeah, it's me. You ok?"  
  
He shook his head a little and rubbed his eyes. "Head hurts." he said as his  
  
eyes closed again.  
  
Donna looked at him with a face full of concern. After a nightmare he was  
  
usually wide awake, often needing time, a little television and a cup of tea  
  
to get settled back down. She was obviously worried more than usual due to  
  
the concussion.  
  
"Josh, I need you to sit up for a minute." she said firmly. "Have something  
  
to drink and take some Tylenol."  
  
He reluctantly sat up against the headboard. He took the pills from Donna  
  
and swallowed them with a little water. With a sigh he pulled his knees to  
  
his chest and dropped his head down. Donna took a quick look at the back of  
  
his head before running the washcloth over the back of his neck.  
  
"Tip your chin up, let me wipe your face." said Donna as she nudged him a  
  
little. She wiped his face and kissed his forehead. "Better?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm just going to..." he muttered as he slid off the bed and pointed  
  
in the direction of the bathroom. He limped into the bathroom without the  
  
cane and returned a few minutes later, looking more focused and awake. He  
  
walked to the window and stared out for a minute.  
  
"Snowing?" asked Donna.  
  
"Yeah, come see." he answered softly as he held out his hand to her.  
  
Donna crossed the room and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his  
  
waist. "It's beautiful." she whispered as she rested her chin on his  
  
shoulder.  
  
Josh took half a step towards the window and leaned forward to rest his head  
  
on the cool glass. Donna moved to stand next to him. She reached out to rub  
  
his back gently.  
  
"Josh?" she said, his name coming out more as a question than a statement.  
  
She braced herself for the words he always said, "I'm fine." But they didn't  
  
come.  
  
Josh pushed himself back from the window and took a shaky breath trying to  
  
control the emotions that were threatening to spill forth. He tried to turn  
  
and walk out of the room quickly but not having his cane with him slowed him  
  
down and in the darkness of the room he didn't notice that Donna had pushed  
  
the ottoman out from the chair when she got up to wake him from his  
  
nightmare.  
  
He swore, loudly, as Donna reached out and kept him from falling over  
  
completely. She righted him and handed him his cane. He headed for the  
  
living room and she let him be alone for a few minutes. She moved the  
  
ottoman, straightened the quilt, rewet the washcloth and used the bathroom  
  
before heading out to check on Josh.  
  
As she expected he was on the couch in the dark. He was sitting with his  
  
head in his hands, sobbing like he hadn't sobbed since right after his  
  
stroke. The sound broke her heart, as it always had. As strong and as  
  
stubborn as Josh was on the outside he had a vulnerability that few people  
  
saw. And when he hit bottom, he hit hard.  
  
Donna grabbed the box of tissues and sat down quietly next to him. She  
  
reached out to rub his back. Instead of flinching at her touch he leaned  
  
into it, causing Donna's tears to start.  
  
"Oh Josh." she whispered as she settled back into the corner of the couch,  
  
pulling him down with her.  
  
Josh sobbed until Donna was sure he was going to make himself sick. He had  
  
tried to talk a few times but never got more than one or two words out.  
  
Donna didn't have a clear idea of what in particular he was upset about, not  
  
that it really mattered all that much at the moment.  
  
Eventually Josh's body gave into its need for sleep and he drifted off in  
  
Donna's arms, having basically cried himself to sleep. Donna stayed until  
  
she was sure he was sound asleep and she carefully rolled him off of her and  
  
slipped off the couch. She covered him up and knelt next to the couch for a  
  
minute watching him.  
  
"I love you." she whispered as she leaned forward and kissed his forehead.  
  
Josh slept restlessly for a few hours; waking around 4 in the morning and  
  
wandering back to his own bed. A little while later Jessie wandered in and  
  
crawled in next to his father. Josh kissed his son and smiled when Jessie's  
  
little hand found his own.  
  
The boys were up early, eager to get out in the snow. Ben got them breakfast  
  
and took them out to play and to shovel the walkway. Donna slept in a  
  
little, getting up around 8. She let Josh sleep and he eventually wandered  
  
into the kitchen around 10.  
  
"Hey." he said as he walked to the table to sit down.  
  
"Coffee?"  
  
"Please."  
  
Donna poured him a cup of coffee and handed it to him.  
  
"So, I guess that was a little dramatic last night." muttered Josh. "Sorry."  
  
"Joshua, you have nothing to be sorry about. How's your head this morning?  
  
Need some Tylenol?"  
  
"Still hurts and yeah, Tylenol would be great."  
  
Donna got him some Tylenol along with the rest of the pills he took on a  
  
daily basis. Aggrenox to help prevent another stroke and Paxil for the all  
  
around anxiety that had plagued him off and on since Rosslyn, and a  
  
multi-vitamin to help make up for some of his crappy eating habits. She  
  
handed him the pills and he rolled them around in the palm of his hand,  
  
giving them a look of disgust before swallowing them with some orange juice  
  
Donna had put in front of him.  
  
"You wanna talk about it?" asked Donna as she leaned against the counter,  
  
sipping her coffee.  
  
"What's there to talk about?" asked Josh flatly as he turned his attention to  
  
the newspaper.  
  
"Apparently nothing." muttered Donna as she poured the rest of the coffee in  
  
the sink and turned to leave. "I'm going out to shovel with the boys if you  
  
need anything."  
  
As she put on her coat and boots she realized that wasn't the nicest thing  
  
she could have said to Josh, but at that point being nice wasn't high on her  
  
list of things to do.  
  
And that's pretty much how the rest of the weekend went. Josh and Donna  
  
snapped at each other, for both legitimate reasons and some not so legitimate  
  
ones. The boys were starting to pick up on the tension in the house and Ben  
  
was doing his best to distract them.  
  
Sunday afternoon found Josh brooding in his study and Donna cleaning, which  
  
was what she usually did when she found herself pissed at her husband. Ben  
  
found her cleaning the grout in the bathroom with a toothbrush.  
  
"Uh, Donna, you want me to get the boys out of here for a while?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks. Why don't you take the van and go down and pick out a  
  
Christmas tree?"  
  
"OK, you want me to take them to lunch too."  
  
"Sure." said Donna as she turned her attention back to the grout.  
  
Ben smiled and started to leave.  
  
"Hey Ben...thanks. I know things haven't been exactly pleasant around here  
  
the last few days. I don't know what's wrong. I'm about to call in the  
  
reinforcements."  
  
"Sam or Josiah Bartlet?" asked Ben with a grin.  
  
"Probably both. Looks like Josh might need to be double-teamed. You know I  
  
don't like to ask you this..."  
  
"He hasn't said anything to me that would give me a clue as to what is  
  
wrong."  
  
"Didn't think so. Thanks for taking the boys. Can you just do me a favor  
  
before you leave..."  
  
"Ask Josh if he wants to go?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks."  
  
Donna heard the front door shut and she took a quick look out the window to  
  
see just Ben and the boys get into the van. She returned to her cleaning,  
  
stopping about an hour later to get something to eat. There was no sign of  
  
Josh and no noise was coming from the study. With a sandwich in one hand and  
  
a can of soda in the other she went down the hall to check on him. He was  
  
asleep on the couch, glasses on, book on his chest, TV muted on CNN.  
  
Slipping the book out of his grasp and the glasses off his nose she pulled  
  
the afghan over him and turned out the light.  
  
Something made her stay in the study. Maybe it was because for the first  
  
time in what seemed like days she could be in the same room as her husband  
  
and not want to wring his neck. In his sleep he was peaceful, quiet and  
  
still. Well, as still as Josh Lyman could get.  
  
Donna sat down at the desk, turned on the little lamp and finished her lunch.  
  
She booted up the computer and opened her email. There was some junk and a  
  
message from Sam asking how things were going.  
  
"Just peachy" she mumbled to herself as she hit reply.  
  
TBC 


	4. Ch 4

Stumbling Towards Contentment 4/?  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff. I just realized I never gave it a rating,  
  
we'll call it PG-13.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Subject-Re:How's it going?  
  
Date-12/15/2013  
  
From:dlyman@a...  
  
To:SNS@s...  
  
It's going....not so well. Been a rough weekend. Physically Josh is doing  
  
ok, lingering headache but that's all from the fall. Emotionally, well  
  
that's another story. Had a mini meltdown on Friday night. He was exhausted  
  
and in pain when we got home from the hospital. Only got about an hour's  
  
worth of sleep before a nightmare. It didn't seem like a particularly bad one  
  
but he didn't come out of it as quickly as he usually does. Which meant I  
  
was starting to panic because of the concussion. Anyway, he wandered out of  
  
the room and I found him sobbing a little while later. Really sobbing. Took  
  
a while to calm him down. Never really said what exactly was wrong and I'm  
  
not sure he knew anyway.  
  
Basically refused to talk about it the next morning. Spent the last day and  
  
a half moping around, snapping at me, Ben, even the boys. It's a regular  
  
pity party around here. And you know what, I'm tired of it. Maybe that's a  
  
terrible thing to say given what Josh has gone through in his life but oh  
  
well.  
  
Not sure I'm looking forward to the semester break. A month of brooding from  
  
Josh doesn't sound very exciting. I'm trying to be supportive and  
  
understanding but his refusal to talk just drives me nuts. It always has and  
  
he knows it.  
  
Any words of wisdom you care to impart would be greatly appreciated. If you  
  
want to try talking to him, be my guest.  
  
I'll keep you updated.  
  
Love,  
  
Donna  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She reread it quickly and sent it just as Josh was starting to wake up.  
  
"Hey, whatcha doing?" he asked as he pushed the afghan back and stretched a  
  
bit.  
  
"Just emailed Sam. He sent a message. Wanted to know how you're doing."  
  
"What did you tell him?"  
  
"The truth." Donna said with a sigh.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Josh flatly.  
  
"Nothing, forget it. Look, are you hungry, you want me to make you something  
  
to eat?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. Grilled cheese?"  
  
"Fine." said Donna as she turned to leave.  
  
Josh got up slowly as she went to the kitchen. He put on his glasses and  
  
checked his own email before heading for the bathroom. By the time he got to  
  
the kitchen Donna was putting his sandwich on a plate.  
  
"You want some iced tea?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks."  
  
Donna leaned against the counter while Josh ate with enthusiasm, something he  
  
hadn't done in a while.  
  
"Finally got your appetite back?"  
  
"Yeah." Josh replied with a grin. "Come sit with me for a minute." he added  
  
motioning to the chair across the table from him.  
  
Donna grabbed some tea for herself and settled down in the chair. Josh  
  
smiled a genuine smile and propped his feet in her lap. That simple gesture  
  
shocked Donna and she smiled as she reached down to rub his feet.  
  
"Josh, can we talk for a minute. I mean really talk?"  
  
"Yeah." whispered Josh.  
  
"Good. Are you ok?"  
  
"Well, my head hurts, the stitches itch and my back is stiff."  
  
"Sorry to hear that but that's not what I was getting at."  
  
"I didn't think so." he muttered as he took another bite of his sandwich.  
  
"What's going on? You've been cranky, moody, and frankly not a whole lot of  
  
fun to be around lately."  
  
"Gee thanks Donna. Just what I wanted to hear from my wife." he said  
  
bitterly as he pushed the plate away from him.  
  
Well, I'm sorry it's not what you wanted to hear Josh." she said as she  
  
pushed his feet off her lap.  
  
His feet hit the floor with a thud and a look of surprise and pain flashed  
  
across his face.  
  
"Owww. What the hell was that for?" he said, his voice and blood pressure  
  
starting to climb.  
  
"Nothing." muttered Donna.  
  
Donna took a deep breath and paced the length of the kitchen trying to get  
  
her thoughts together. She hadn't planned on getting into this fight with  
  
Josh this particular moment but as long as they had started it, they might as  
  
well finish it.  
  
She glared at Josh until he was basically forced to say something.  
  
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." he yelled. "Are you happy  
  
now?" he spit out as he stood up. He started to pace but realized he didn't  
  
have his cane. Somehow walking back to the table to get it just seemed out  
  
of place so he just leaned against the counter.  
  
Donna just shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Why the hell would that make  
  
me happy Joshua?" she yelled right back as she practically threw his cane at  
  
him.  
  
He took it with a look of disgust and for a fleeting moment thought about  
  
just breaking it over his knee. Remembering that the cane was a gift from  
  
Jed and that it probably would only cause him more problems, he stopped his  
  
impulse. Unable to get a coherent phrase out at the moment he settled for  
  
grunting to release some frustration.  
  
"Josh, talk to me. What is wrong?" Donna asked, as plainly and as calmly as  
  
she was capable of sounding at that moment.  
  
He tried to take a calming breath before continuing. "Look Donna, I've been  
  
shot, I've had a stroke, I have a concussion, don't I have a right to be..."  
  
"To be what, nasty, mean. I don't think so." she shot right back.  
  
"Yes... I mean no. Nasty, mean? Is that what you think?" he asked, not  
  
quite believing Donna said those things.  
  
"If the shoe fits Joshua" she smirked.  
  
"Great, just great." he muttered.  
  
"So because you've had all those things happen to you, you think you have the  
  
right to treat those who love you like crap?"  
  
"Donna..." he bellowed.  
  
"No, wait, I'm not done yet. You had those things happen to you. Were they  
  
terrible, of course. Would I wish them on anyone, no."  
  
Josh started to say something but she put up her hand to stop him. He did so  
  
grudgingly.  
  
"But you know what, I was there too. I sat in that waiting room at GW for 14  
  
hours waiting to see if you would live or die. I took that horrible ride  
  
from the farm to the hospital with you 7 months ago. I watched when you  
  
struggled through therapy, when you struggled to eat. I was there when you  
  
wanted to give up. And I was there holding your head while you puked Friday  
  
night. So don't act like you're the only one who's been through hell and  
  
back." yelled Donna. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and added  
  
quietly, "I was there too. Don't forget that."  
  
Josh just stood there silently, waiting to see what would happen next.  
  
"I never meant that things weren't hard for you. I know they were. I know I  
  
wasn't the easiest person to live with."  
  
"Josh, you're not the easiest person to live with on a good day." said Donna.  
  
That line was something she had said many times over the years in a teasing  
  
tone. But today there was no teasing in her voice and it made Josh's blood  
  
run cold and his stomach drop.  
  
He hooked the cane on the stove handle and took a step towards her to gather  
  
her into his arms. But before he could she turned and headed for the front  
  
door, leaving him to stand there, shocked.  
  
Donna realized her exit was both dramatic and given the weather outside, not  
  
very well thought out. She found herself standing out in front of the house  
  
in the snow without a coat. But she stubbornly stayed out there, giving Josh  
  
plenty of time to brood, think, whatever.  
  
Back in the kitchen Josh was leaning over the sink, splashing some water on  
  
his face, trying to clear his head and keep from throwing up. He watched his  
  
hands as they shook. Leaning over with his elbows on the counter he put his  
  
head in his hands and concentrated on his breathing. He eventually calmed  
  
down enough to actually move. He glanced out the kitchen window and saw  
  
Donna out there in the cold, without her coat.  
  
"That's typical." he muttered to himself. "She'll stand out there and freeze  
  
just to make a point."  
  
He headed for the hall closet to grab their coats. Stuffing his feet into  
  
his boots he pulled on his coat and threw hers over his arm. Taking a deep  
  
breath he opened the front door and went out to face his wife.  
  
Donna heard the door open but didn't flinch. Josh held out her coat and she  
  
took it without a word. Stubbornly they stood there, snow and wind whipping  
  
around them. Finally Josh broke the silence.  
  
"I'm scared." he whispered.  
  
And there it was, the root of the problem.  
  
While Josh's tone tore at her heart Donna maintained her stubborn stance,  
  
only motioning with her hand for him to continue.  
  
"Could we at least sit?" he asked.  
  
Donna nodded and followed him to the porch swing. He sat at one end and  
  
Donna sat at the other, as far away from him as she could be.  
  
"Anyway, I'm scared. I admit it."  
  
"OK. That's good. Could you maybe tell me what you're scared of?" asked  
  
Donna with a healthy dose of sarcasm.  
  
Josh ignored her tone and went on.  
  
"I'm scared of not being around to see the kids grow up, I'm scared of not  
  
being able to support my family. I get terrified every time I feel a new  
  
pain, every time I stutter, every time I stumble."  
  
Donna looked at him and moved a few inches closer but still didn't reach out  
  
to him.  
  
"There are days when I fumble through simple things, walking, tying my shoes,  
  
speaking. Days when I just feel like my body is betraying me and there's  
  
nothing I can do about it. And that's terrifying."  
  
The wind whipped down the street and tears sprang to his eyes from both the  
  
cold and the emotion of the moment. He wiped them away roughly with the  
  
sleeve of his coat. Donna scooted closer to him, put her arm around him and  
  
pulled him close.  
  
A few minutes later the boys and Ben came down the street. Ben pulled the  
  
van into the driveway with a huge evergreen on the roof rack.  
  
"Oh no, they got the biggest one they could find." muttered Josh.  
  
Donna kissed his forehead and gave his shoulder a squeeze, "We'll talk  
  
later?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Why don't you go in and order some pizza for dinner. I'll help Ben with the  
  
tree."  
  
"OK." he agreed as he took the cane from Donna.  
  
Two hours later the tree was in the stand in front of the bay window, the  
  
pizza was gone and Josh and the boys were in the family room watching  
  
television. Ben was out on the date that was supposed to have taken place on  
  
Friday night and Donna was putting in a load of laundry.  
  
She wandered in to check on her "boys". She smiled at the sight of the three  
  
of them sprawled out on the couch. Josh was in one corner with Jessie  
  
sitting in his lap and Jake was at the opposite end, his legs stretched out  
  
along side Josh's. They were intently watching some science fiction movie.  
  
"Showers when this is over boys."  
  
"Yeah, Mom." they said together.  
  
Josh turned his head, caught Donna's eye and winked. She smiled and headed  
  
upstairs to get some things ready for the morning.  
  
By 10:00 the boys were asleep. Donna was propped up in bed with a stack of  
  
paperwork, her hair pulled back and her reading glasses perched on her nose.  
  
Josh was restlessly wandering around the house, the tapping of his cane  
  
giving away his every move.  
  
Donna heard him go down the hall towards the kitchen about 10 minutes earlier  
  
and she hadn't heard the tapping since. She got up to see what trouble he  
  
was getting himself into, or more likely what junk food he was trying to  
  
sneak.  
  
Creeping down the hall she found him eating Ben and Jerry's out of the carton  
  
with a soupspoon while sitting on the counter in the kitchen.  
  
"Joshua David, you could at least get a bowl." she smirked from the archway.  
  
The sound of her voice startled Josh and his head shot up. He barely missed  
  
hitting it on the cabinet behind him.  
  
"God Donna, make a little noise next time. I almost gave myself another  
  
concussion." he said with a grin. "I was planning on finishing it, why get a  
  
bowl dirty? You want some?"  
  
"Sure." said Donna as she crossed the room and stood in front of Josh. She  
  
grabbed another spoon out of the drawer and took the carton from him.  
  
They shared the rest of the ice cream and chatted about the week ahead. For  
  
Josh the semester ended with his class on Thursday. The boys had school  
  
until Friday, December 20th. They were planning on spending a quiet  
  
Christmas at home, just the 4 of them. December usually found them flying  
  
off somewhere to spend the holidays with family and friends but this year  
  
they had decided to keep things low-key, just hang around at home. It had  
  
been Donna's idea originally but Josh and the boys had warmed up to it. Now,  
  
given the events of the last few days, Donna wasn't too sure about spending  
  
the whole vacation at home.  
  
With the ice cream finished and the small talk ending Josh reached out and  
  
took Donna's hand. He was still sitting on the counter and she moved to  
  
stand in between his knees. She wrapped her arms around Josh's waist and  
  
slipped her cold hands under his sweatshirt to warm them up.  
  
"Two can play at that game." he teased as he lifted the hem of Donna's shirt  
  
and put his own hands against the warm skin of her back. Planting a kiss on  
  
her forehead he whispered, "So, you wanted to talk some more."  
  
"I did. But now I have a better idea." she said as she pulled back to look  
  
him in the eye. "You recovered enough?" she asked huskily.  
  
"Oh yeah." he grinned as he slid off the counter and grabbed his cane.  
  
When the two of them got to the bedroom and Josh was trying to quickly get  
  
rid of his jeans Donna warned him, "Don't think this is getting you out of  
  
talking all together." she said with a smirk.  
  
TBC 


	5. Ch 5

Stumbling Towards Contentment 5/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See Part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
"I wouldn't dream of thinking that." responded Josh as he pulled his  
  
sweatshirt over his head.  
  
A few minutes later Donna's clothes joined Josh's on the floor and they  
  
tumbled on the bed together.  
  
Later they snuggled under the comforter by the light of the candle on the  
  
nightstand. Josh had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to get  
  
comfortable. He was on his stomach with the blankets pulled up almost over  
  
his head. His hair was still damp and Donna was enjoying running her fingers  
  
through the curls at the back of his neck.  
  
"That's nice." he mumbled as he turned his head to face her.  
  
Donna leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Sleep." she whispered as she  
  
pressed her hand against his cheek.  
  
"Thought you wanted to talk."  
  
"I do, but right now sleep is more important. We can talk tomorrow, ok?"  
  
"Yeah. I love you."  
  
"Love you too."  
  
Josh leaned over and blew out the candle. With a contented sigh he curled up  
  
next to Donna with his head on her shoulder and his arm wrapped around her  
  
waist. Not ten minutes later he was snoring softly. Donna fell asleep  
  
shortly after him and for the first time in a long while the entire Lyman  
  
clan slept soundly.  
  
By morning the temperature was above freezing and most of the snow from the  
  
day before had melted. Josh was standing out on the porch trying to decide  
  
if he could walk the boys to school. The sidewalks looked clear enough to  
  
him.  
  
"Josh, will you get back in here, you're not wearing any shoes." yelled Donna  
  
as she passed by the front door on her way to the kitchen.  
  
Josh picked up the newspaper and turned to go back inside. The boys were  
  
already at the table eating cereal when he got to the kitchen.  
  
"Dad are you walking us to school?" asked Jessie with a mouth full of Corn  
  
Flakes.  
  
"Yes and don't talk with your mouth full. Jake do you have basketball  
  
practice today?"  
  
"After school. Tommy's mom said she would drive me home."  
  
"OK, great. I only have one class this morning and I should be home by 1:30.  
  
What about you?" he asked as he smiled at Donna.  
  
"I should be home by 6. You free for lunch?"  
  
"Late lunch, after class? I'll pick you up."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, no problem, I'll take the Metro."  
  
"Hey what about me?" asked Jessie with a true Lyman whine in his voice.  
  
"What about you?" snorted Jake as he put his bowl in the sink.  
  
"Jacob." warned Donna.  
  
"Ben will pick you up after school. You can help him carry the Christmas  
  
stuff down from the attic."  
  
"Cool." grinned Jessie as he slid of his seat and left to go brush his teeth.  
  
Donna watched him as he practically swaggered down the hall. She giggled to  
  
herself. Jessie was so much like his father. His hair was blond like  
  
Donna's but it was as unruly as his father's. He had Josh's dimpled smile  
  
and big brown eyes.  
  
Donna put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and went to check on the  
  
boys. Fifteen minutes later she watched as the two of them and Josh set off  
  
down the street towards school. Jessie was holding Josh's hand and Jake was  
  
half a block ahead of them, trying not to be seen walking to school with his  
  
younger brother and his father.  
  
The morning flew by for all of them. Josh's class took their exam and he was  
  
on his way to meet Donna by 1:15. He was about a block from the Capitol when  
  
his cell phone rang. Donna didn't have time to go out and wanted him to pick  
  
something up for lunch.  
  
Donna was in with Billy when Josh made it to her office. He put the bag of  
  
food on the desk and sat down in her visitor's chair. With his feet on the  
  
corner of the desk he made himself comfortable. With her assistant trailing  
  
behind her Donna rushed into the room a few minutes later. She gave Megan a  
  
few instructions and then leaned down to kiss Josh.  
  
"Hey, busy day?"  
  
"You could say that. What did you bring me?"  
  
"Chicken salad, cole slaw and raspberry iced tea."  
  
"Should I even ask what you go yourself?" smirked Donna as the smell of his  
  
cheeseburger wafted out of the bag.  
  
"Nope. Hey, I haven't been able to eat one in a while." he pointed out,  
  
trying to justify his choice of lunch.  
  
"I know. It's fine. You seem to be eating better the last couple of days.  
  
Things going down easier?"  
  
Josh just nodded his head as he took the first bite.  
  
"Good. So one class down, two more to go."  
  
"Yeah. I'll be glad when it's over." said Josh softly, with the sound of  
  
relief in his voice.  
  
"It was harder on you than you let on, wasn't it?" Donna asked.  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"And that's part of the problem Josh. You don't let anyone know when you're  
  
having trouble. You wait until things get way out of control. Talk to me,  
  
talk to Ben, don't keep things quiet. That's how you get yourself in  
  
trouble."  
  
"I know. I just...I don't want to be a burden."  
  
Donna put down her sandwich and leaned forward to pat Josh's hand. "You will  
  
never be a burden, Josh."  
  
"No Donna, what if I am a burden? What happens if I can't take care of  
  
myself?"  
  
"Josh that's not really something you need to worry about right now. You've  
  
been basically fine for 7 months."  
  
"But what if I have another stroke?" he asked as he stood up and started to  
  
pace Donna's small office, not an easy feat with a cane in one hand and an  
  
over-done cheeseburger in the other.  
  
"Josh, sit down, please. We'll get through it. Just like we always get  
  
through everything. You have me, the boys, your friends, Ben."  
  
"Yeah Ben." muttered Josh as he sat back down and reached into the bag for  
  
his fries.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean? I thought you liked Ben"  
  
"I do like Ben. He's great. He's capable, reliable, strong, sturdy, able to  
  
leap tall buildings in a single bound." he spit out bitterly.  
  
"Oh," whispered Donna, suddenly realizing where this portion of the  
  
conversation was heading. "Josh.."  
  
"Just forget I said anything." muttered Josh, cutting her off.  
  
Donna came out from behind her desk. She reached over to wipe the ketchup  
  
off of his face and then leaned against the front of the desk.  
  
"Ever since the stroke...I can't...I mean... Donna, I go take the boys to  
  
basketball and the rest of the fathers are out on the court, playing with  
  
their kids. And there I am on the sidelines with this stupid thing." he  
  
said, pointing towards his cane.  
  
"Uh, Josh, I hate to state the obvious but how much basketball were you  
  
playing before the stroke?" she asked, trying not to smile.  
  
"So you have a point." he conceded.  
  
"Josh, face it, you've never been able to do all those things with the boys.  
  
And they accept that fact. It's all they've ever known. You didn't take  
  
anything away from them. You're a terrific father. A little unconventional,  
  
but terrific nonetheless." she grinned a she reached out to pat his knee.  
  
"Yeah, I guess the boys don't have it so rough?" he mused.  
  
"Josh, they've visited the White House more times than they can count, they  
  
come here to the Capitol just about every week. They call the former  
  
President of the United States, Uncle Jed. They've traveled more at their  
  
age than I had up until I came to work for you. They've been on Air Force  
  
One with Hoynes for God's sake Josh." she said with a big smile.  
  
"OK, so I guess they're not exactly under-privileged."  
  
"And if Ben can do some of the things you can't, then you should be grateful  
  
that we have somebody."  
  
"I know, I am grateful for all he does."  
  
"Good, cause I honestly don't know what we would do without him. So you  
  
could be nice to him and stop sabotaging his dates." smirked Donna.  
  
"But those girls aren't right for him." whined Josh.  
  
Donna just laughed, "I don't even want to think about what you're going to do  
  
when the boys start dating."  
  
Josh chuckled to himself and reached for the rest of his cheeseburger. He  
  
watched with pride as Donna ate, read and talked on the phone at the same  
  
time. When she had a break from the phone calls he said his goodbyes and  
  
headed for home.  
  
The next few days went by fairly smoothly. But by the time he went to his  
  
last class on Thursday night Josh was physically and mentally exhausted.  
  
Donna ended up taking him as Ben had headed home to New Jersey to spend the  
  
holidays with his family. As much as they enjoyed having him around, the  
  
Lyman clan was also happy to just be a foursome for a change.  
  
With the boys at home with a babysitter Donna took the opportunity to do a  
  
little straightening in Josh's office while he was giving the last exam. She  
  
managed to make sense of most of the stuff on top of the desk by the time she  
  
heard the tapping of his cane echoing down the hallway. Josh stopped in the  
  
doorway and laughed.  
  
"Having a flashback Josh?" teased Donna.  
  
"Oh yeah, definitely."  
  
"You ready to go Professor Lyman?"  
  
Josh nodded and slid his arms into his coat that Donna was holding out for  
  
him. With his backpack over his shoulder and his arm around his wife he  
  
headed for home.  
  
The boys were long since asleep by the time they got home. As he tried to  
  
move towards the couch to collapse he felt Donna gently hand steer him  
  
towards the bedroom.  
  
"Bed Josh."  
  
"You know, I'm a little tired tonight Donna." he replied.  
  
With a big roll of her eyes she took his hand and led him to bed. In the  
  
morning she got the boys off to school and left Josh to sleep. She went to  
  
work to finish up a few loose ends before the break and was home by noon.  
  
After searching the kitchen, the study and the family room she found Josh was  
  
still curled up in bed, his unruly hair sticking out from under the quilt.  
  
She smiled to herself as she toed off her shoes and went to the closet to  
  
grab a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. After she had changed she sat down on  
  
the edge of the bed. Josh rolled over towards her but didn't wake up. She  
  
brushed back his hair and kissed his forehead. He started to stir a little  
  
and his eyes fluttered open.  
  
"Hey, what time is it?" he asked as he pushed the quilt down a little.  
  
"A little after 12. You ok?" she asked as she pressed her hand against his  
  
cheek.  
  
"Yeah, just tired, that's all." he assured her as he sat up and gingerly felt  
  
the scar on the back of his head. The stitches had been removed the day  
  
before. "It feels funny, what's it look like?" he whined.  
  
Donna chuckled at him and gently parted his hair, looking at the 1-inch long  
  
scar. "It looks fine. It looks the same as it did last night when you had  
  
me look at it." she teased. "I'm going to get myself some lunch, want do you  
  
want?"  
  
"I don't know..." he replied as his voice trailed off and he sort of gestured  
  
to his throat.  
  
"You need something that will go down easy?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Soup?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm just going to take a quick shower." he muttered as he headed for  
  
the bathroom.  
  
Donna went to get lunch ready. They ate in the family room while watching  
  
CNN. After they were done Donna went to finish wrapping some Christmas  
  
presents. Josh read his email and straightened out his desk until it was  
  
time to go pick up the boys. 


	6. Ch 6

Stumbling Towards Contentment 6/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The remaining days until Christmas were hectic but fun. As usual Josh did  
  
most of his shopping at the last minute. He had already gotten a ring for  
  
Donna with the boy's birthstones but still needed a few items.  
  
They went with the boys on Christmas Eve to see the Christmas Tree and, since  
  
the weather had turned much colder, took them to ice skate on the Reflecting  
  
Pool between the Lincoln Memorial and the Washington Monument.  
  
Josh obviously wasn't skating so he walked around a while, ending up on a  
  
bench under the Washington Monument, looking out at the White House. A  
  
feeling he had been trying to ignore for the past month or two came to the  
  
surface with almost frightening clarity.  
  
The feeling that he wanted to be doing more. He missed the political life  
  
more than he ever thought he would. When Bartlet's term ended 10 years  
  
earlier he was disillusioned, they all were. He went in to teaching because  
  
it gave him a chance to share what he knew, to share his experiences. And he  
  
loved teaching, more than he thought he ever would. But lately he was  
  
beginning to feel like it just wasn't enough.  
  
That was something he hadn't shared with anyone. He'd barely been able to  
  
admit it to himself. Deep down he knew he couldn't handle his old life. His  
  
body wouldn't make it through the first 18-hour day. Donna wouldn't even let  
  
him get to that first day, he was sure. And that kind of life wouldn't be  
  
fair to the boys, he knew that. But still, the feeling nagged at him.  
  
Josh gave one last glance in the direction of the White House before turning  
  
to walk back down the path towards the Lincoln Memorial. Donna was sitting  
  
and watching the boys when he got back. She had been watching Josh walk back  
  
down the path with an uneasy feeling. It wasn't that he was limping more  
  
than usual or walking slower than usual. It was just that his body language  
  
gave away the fact that he had something big on his mind.  
  
"Looking at the White House again?" she asked as she moved over on the bench  
  
to give him room to sit.  
  
"Yeah." he said flatly.  
  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
  
"No." he replied as he looked at Donna. He saw a look that was probably  
  
relief pass over her face. "Later, ok?"  
  
"Sure. Go get the boys, I'm freezing and we need to get going if we're going  
  
to make it to church on time."  
  
Christmas morning dawned clear and bright with a dusting of new snow. The  
  
boys ran down the stairs and into Josh and Donna's room a little after 7:00.  
  
Josh and Donna were already awake.  
  
"You guys are late." teased Josh as he got up and pulled on his robe.  
  
The boys ran down the hall and ripped into their stockings while Josh poured  
  
himself a glass of juice and put the teakettle on the stove. He settled onto  
  
the couch with Donna and watched as the boys opened their gifts.  
  
Donna loved the ring and the other things Josh had gotten her. She had given  
  
him a new backpack and a few other little things. They didn't usually get  
  
too much for each other at Christmas, focusing instead on the boys. Who got  
  
plenty of stuff from their beloved, "aunts" and "uncles".  
  
They spent a quiet day at home. Margaret came over for dinner and they all  
  
talked to Sam and Leo on the phone. By 8 that night the boys were playing  
  
with their new video games, Josh was out cold on the couch in the living room  
  
and Margaret and Donna were chatting over tea in the kitchen.  
  
"So how's Josh doing? He looks pretty good. A little too skinny, but good."  
  
"Yeah, he still has residual problems off and on with swallowing. He's doing  
  
pretty well. Catching up on his rest since the semester ended. It was  
  
harder on him than he let on. But I just get the feeling he's not happy."  
  
"Depressed?"  
  
"I don't know if that's the right word. I think lost might be a better  
  
description. I know he loves teaching but I think he's looking for something  
  
more. He hasn't said anything yet, but I have a feeling it's going to come  
  
up soon."  
  
"You think he wants to get back into politics?"  
  
"Am I a terrible wife if I said I hope not?" sighed Donna.  
  
"No, not a terrible wife. A worried wife, a realistic wife maybe, but not  
  
terrible."  
  
"Well, I'm certainly not going to bring it up. I'm done dragging things out  
  
of him. He's got another 3 and a half weeks of time off before the next  
  
semester starts. Hopefully he will come to me if he wants to discuss it."  
  
The next few days were laid back and mostly enjoyable. It had snowed more  
  
and the boys were enjoying it. Outwardly Josh was pretty happy but there  
  
were moments when Donna would catch a glance of him when he thought nobody  
  
was looking. He did indeed seem lost.  
  
The night of December 30th Josh and Donna were set to go to a concert at the  
  
Kennedy Center. Margaret had volunteered to have the boys sleep over. She  
  
picked them up in the afternoon, giving Josh and Donna some time alone. They  
  
made the best of their time together by making love and taking a nap.  
  
As they were getting ready Donna could tell Josh was a little out of it.  
  
"Josh, you ok?" she asked when she came out of the shower and found him  
  
sitting on the bed in his boxers and tuxedo shirt just staring into space.  
  
"Huh? Yeah, just a little, I don't...I think I'm just getting a cold or  
  
something." he muttered as he took the pants Donna was holding out for him.  
  
A few minutes later she stood in front of him to tie his bowtie. He was  
  
fidgeting more than usual.  
  
"Josh hold still or I can't get this straight."  
  
"You'd think after all these years you'd be an expert at this." he teased.  
  
She stuck out her tongue at him as she evened out the ends and pulled it  
  
tight. Josh smiled a weary smile and she bent down to plant a kiss on his  
  
forehead. He was a little warm.  
  
"Why don't you take some Tylenol before we go?"  
  
Josh went into the bathroom to get some while Donna finished getting dressed.  
  
They went out to an early dinner and then to the concert.  
  
The concert was good and Josh enjoyed it for the most part. But by the time  
  
it was over he was more than ready to go home. His head was congested and  
  
pounding and his throat sore. He dozed off in the car on the way home.  
  
Waking up just enough he managed to make it inside and collapse on the couch.  
  
Donna hung their coats up and went to check the answering machine.  
  
A few minutes later she woke Josh up enough to drag him down the hall and  
  
help him into a pair of pajamas. He curled up in the bed while she went to  
  
get some juice and the thermometer. She used the ear thermometer on him and  
  
he never stirred.  
  
"Josh, wake up for a minute." she said as she sat down on the bed next to  
  
him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Take these." she said as she held out two Tylenol Sinus tablets and the  
  
juice.  
  
"Kay." he muttered as he sat up a little. "How bad?" he asked, pointing  
  
towards the thermometer as he put the pills into his mouth.  
  
"101.1. Guess it's a good thing we didn't make big plans for New Years Eve."  
  
"Probably." sighed Josh as he curled back up on the bed.  
  
Donna tucked the quilt around him and kissed his forehead. "I'm just going  
  
to turn out the lights and I'll be back in. I love you."  
  
"You too." muttered Josh already half asleep.  
  
It was a long night for both of them. Josh had a bad nightmare around 2 in  
  
the morning that left him shaking and wide-awake. He told Donna to go back  
  
to sleep but there was really no way she was going to leave him up by  
  
himself. Around 3:30 he finally drifted off to sleep, followed instantly by  
  
Donna.  
  
Josh basically spent the next day in bed. Donna went to Margaret's for lunch  
  
and then brought the boys home. She had promised them that if they behaved  
  
they could try and stay up until midnight. With how tired she was, she was  
  
pretty sure that the only ones still up at midnight would be the boys. She  
  
made the boys some hot dogs and fries for dinner and then they went to play  
  
upstairs while she went to check on Josh.  
  
He was in the chair in the corner of the bedroom reading when she got there.  
  
She frowned at the nearly full glass of orange juice that was on the table  
  
beside him.  
  
"Josh you need to drink something." she said as she picked up the glass and  
  
held it out to him.  
  
"It burns my throat." he whined without looking up.  
  
"Then I'll get you something else." said Donna in a tone more suited for her  
  
7 year old than her middle-aged husband. "If you can't eat then you have to  
  
drink. You really don't want a repeat of what happened in October do you?"  
  
Back in October Josh had been having a hard time eating and on top of that  
  
had gotten a nasty cold. The two combined to rob him of his appetite  
  
completely and he ended up spending 24 hours in the hospital on IV fluids  
  
because he wound up dehydrated.  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Good, now what can I get you to drink?"  
  
"Iced tea. We have any soup?"  
  
"I'm sure we have a can of something. Why don't you go up and see the boys  
  
for a few minutes. They're a little worried about you."  
  
Donna turned to head into the kitchen; waiting to make sure heard the tap of  
  
Josh's cane going up the stairs. He didn't normally spend a whole lot of  
  
times upstairs in the boys' rooms but every once in a while Donna made sure  
  
he went up there. If nothing else to get some exercise on the stairs.  
  
By 11:30 the kids were camped out on the floor in the family room, watching  
  
television still wide-awake. Donna was reading on the couch and Josh was  
  
sound asleep with his head in her lap. He had managed to eat a little soup  
  
and drink 2 bottles of iced tea in the last few hours, which was a relief to  
  
Donna. He was still running a decent fever and was pretty miserable but at  
  
least he wasn't about to become dehydrated.  
  
When the clock struck midnight the boys screamed and all but jumped on top of  
  
Josh when they went to give Donna a kiss. Josh sat up completely disoriented  
  
but quickly focused enough to celebrate with his family. Donna got the boys  
  
settled down in their beds while Josh went to brush his teeth and get ready  
  
for bed himself.  
  
Josh was already in bed when Donna came into the room. She kicked off her  
  
slippers and turned off the light before joining him.  
  
"So, I guess this wasn't one of our better years, huh?" asked Josh as he  
  
rolled over to face Donna.  
  
"Nope, not quite. Let's hope next year's a better one." replied Donna as she  
  
leaned over to kiss him soundly on the cheek.  
  
"Yeah." he murmured as he moved closer Donna and put his head on her  
  
shoulder. She pulled him close and sent up a silent prayer for a better  
  
year.  
  
For the most part the first few days of 2014 were pretty good. The boys went  
  
back to school on the 6th, leaving Josh on his own for the first time in a  
  
long time. Ben wouldn't be back for another few days. Donna was a little  
  
worried when she went back to work but Josh assured her that he could  
  
certainly entertain himself and that he was perfectly able to call a cab if  
  
he needed to go somewhere. He had reading and other things to do to get  
  
ready for the upcoming semester.  
  
And for the first 2 days that's what he did. But since he was teaching the  
  
same classes for the second semester in a row he didn't really have much  
  
planning to do. Then the boredom and uncertainty set in.  
  
Donna picked up on it right away and had already talked to both Sam and Jed  
  
about the worries she had concerning Josh. He still had yet to say anything  
  
about his longing to return to politics. And there was no way she was going  
  
to bring it up.  
  
TBC 


	7. Ch 7

Stumbling Towards Contentment 7/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Things started to get interesting the morning of Friday the 10th. Donna had  
  
just finished a meeting with Billy when Megan appeared, letting her know that  
  
Josh was in her office.  
  
"That's strange." she muttered to herself as she pushed the door open.  
  
Josh was standing in front of her bookshelf, staring at the collection of  
  
pictures she kept there. Donna was surprised to find him wearing a suit and  
  
tie, something he hardly ever did any more.  
  
"Josh?" she said softly as she entered the room.  
  
"Hey." he answered as he looked up from the picture he was holding. He  
  
smiled and handed it towards Donna.  
  
It was a picture taken at the Bartlet farm in Manchester the day Jed had  
  
announced his re-election plans in the fall of 2001. The whole Senior Staff  
  
was sitting on the steps of the porch, with Jed and Abbey standing behind  
  
them, each leaning against a post. Josh was sitting on the step above Donna,  
  
his arm casually over her shoulder. They all had big grins on their faces.  
  
True grins, not ones plastered on for the camera. Donna couldn't help but  
  
smile at the memory.  
  
"Josh, what's up?" she asked softly as she put the picture back on the shelf.  
  
"Feeling nostalgic for the days of the suit and tie?" she asked, trying to  
  
lessen the tension that was clearly about to take over the room.  
  
"I have a meeting."  
  
"At school?" she asked, knowing full well that wasn't the case.  
  
"No." he mumbled as he started to pace the room.  
  
"Josh." she sighed with the tinge of annoyance coming through loud and clear.  
  
"I really don't have time for 20 questions." she said, more harshly than she  
  
had planned.  
  
Her tone stopped Josh dead in his tracks and he slunk down into her visitor's  
  
chair. "Hoynes."  
  
"Hoynes. As in John Hoynes, President of the United States?" she spit out  
  
with a huge deal of sarcasm.  
  
"That would be the one."  
  
"And he invited you to the White House...for tea and scones...to ask for your  
  
help in finding the secret passage way....what Josh?"  
  
"Donna, I honestly don't know. I talked to him for a few minutes at the  
  
party before Christmas. We chatted about his election campaign and I wished  
  
him a Merry Christmas. That was it, I swear."  
  
Donna stared at him for a minute, trying to decide if she believed him or  
  
not. It was almost too big of a coincidence given the way Josh was feeling,  
  
or at least the way she thought Josh was feeling lately. She decided to give  
  
him the benefit of the doubt.  
  
"Fine. I believe you." she said softly as she looked into his big brown eyes  
  
to see if she could catch the telltale look he got when he was lying. She  
  
didn't see a thing.  
  
"I have to go. My appointment's in 20 minutes." he said as he stood up.  
  
Donna came out from behind her desk and stood before him with an uncertain  
  
look on her face. She reached out to straighten his tie and brush a stray  
  
lock of hair back into place. Reaching over to the chair she grabbed his  
  
overcoat and held it up for him to slip on. When it was on Josh turned to  
  
face Donna. He caressed her cheek and kissed her softly. "I love you." was  
  
all he whispered before he disappeared down the hallway.  
  
Donna watched him move down the hallway. She laughed bitterly at the fact  
  
that, despite the cane, he was almost swaggering. And that was something she  
  
hadn't seen in a long time.  
  
With a heavy sigh she turned her attention back to the pile of work on her  
  
desk. A few minutes later Megan poked her head in and announced that Sam was  
  
on the phone. Donna took a deep breath and picked up the receiver.  
  
"Samuel, what a surprise." she said, making no effort to hide her tone.  
  
"Donna I swear I didn't know about this until 5 minutes ago when Josh called  
  
me."  
  
"I guess I'll have to believe you since you can't look me in the eye from  
  
there."  
  
"I swear, my baby blues are telling the truth. So what exactly is this  
  
meeting?"  
  
"I don't know. And I'm beginning to think Josh doesn't really know either."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"Not much. Just that he had an appointment with Hoynes."  
  
"OK. We're not getting anywhere. How has he been since I talked to you  
  
last?"  
  
"Restless and bored. He still wasn't really feeling well until a few days  
  
ago. I just know he's looking to get back into the whole political scene."  
  
"Donna, you say that with so much disgust. And...I just don't get it. That's  
  
who Josh is. Even though he's been basically out of the loop for a decade  
  
it's still a part of him. It always will be. Even with his teaching he's  
  
always done a little consulting on the side. What's so different now?"  
  
"Because I don't think the little bit of consulting he does is enough  
  
anymore. I don't know why..but that's my gut feeling."  
  
"Donna, what are you afraid of?" asked Sam softly.  
  
"I'm afraid of losing him. Losing him to this life that has the power to  
  
just suck him in and rip him away from his family. I'm worried about his  
  
health. And deep down, I know he is too. But you know what my biggest fear  
  
is?"  
  
"I think so."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're afraid he'll fail and you'll be left to pick up the pieces. You're  
  
worried he's going to have to face his limitations. And you're worried those  
  
limitations will destroy him emotionally."  
  
Donna laughed bitterly. "You should have gone into psychiatry Sam."  
  
"No. I just know my best friend." he sighed. "And his wife." he added  
  
softly.  
  
"I guess Josh and I will sit down and talk tonight. Get things out in the  
  
open and...."  
  
"Fight."  
  
"Probably. Although I hope not. Wish me luck."  
  
"Good luck. I love you guys."  
  
"We love you too, Sam. Bye." whispered Donna as she wiped a stray tear from  
  
her cheek.  
  
Two hours later Josh walked out of the White House. He was excited,  
  
confused, and terrified all at the same time. Hoynes had offered him a  
  
position as a Political Advisor for his re-election campaign. Josh was  
  
flattered and told him he needed to discuss it with Donna.  
  
With a heavy sigh Josh started walking. He walked up to the Washington  
  
Monument, circled it a few times, wandered down the path and through the  
  
Korean War Memorial ending up at the Lincoln Memorial. He climbed the steps  
  
slowly with his cane. He bid silent reverence to the massive marble likeness  
  
of Abe and sat down on the top step, gazing across the reflecting pool. His  
  
focus wandered from the Washington Monument to the dome of the Capitol beyond  
  
it. He thought about calling Donna but he knew this was not a conversation  
  
for the phone.  
  
He glanced at his watch. He needed to get moving if he was going to make it  
  
home in time to get the boys from school. He started down the steps, taking  
  
his time with the cane. He made it to the school just as the boys were  
  
getting out. He chatted with them as they walked home. When they got home  
  
the boys headed for the kitchen to grab a snack and Josh went to change his  
  
clothes. By the time he was done the boys were out of the kitchen and off to  
  
play. He took some meatballs and sauce out of the freezer, thawed them in  
  
the microwave and set them to simmer on the stove.  
  
He listened to the messages on the answering machine. There was one from  
  
Donna saying she would be home by six. The fact that she hadn't bothered to  
  
call his cell phone and tell him that made him shudder a little.  
  
Restless and fidgety he paced around the house for a while, finally ending up  
  
in his study with the phone in his hand. He dialed Jed's number from memory  
  
and waited for someone to pick up.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi Jed, it's Josh."  
  
"I was waiting for you to call."  
  
"I guess you've spoken to Hoynes recently."  
  
"Last night. So, what's up?"  
  
"Well, I guess you know what he offered me."  
  
"I do. Now what?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't know. I'm pacing around waiting for Donna to get home.  
  
Jed, she's gonna freak."  
  
"Yeah, she probably will."  
  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence."  
  
"I just tell'em like I see'em. So what do you want?"  
  
"I'm torn. Part of me wants to pack my bags and join the campaign tonight.  
  
But then I think realistically. I'm a middle-aged father of two young  
  
children. I've had a stroke, I have PTSD. I don't know if I can handle it."  
  
"What about Donna?"  
  
"The only thing she knows at the moment was that I had an appointment with  
  
Hoynes this afternoon. I honestly didn't know what he was going to say.  
  
She'll be home in a few hours. She's going to freak." he repeated.  
  
"Yes, she is. Josh, listen to her. Talk to her. Think this through  
  
together."  
  
"That's your advice?" chuckled Josh.  
  
"Yes, Joshua, that's all your getting. Call me in a few days."  
  
"Thank you sir."  
  
"Josh." sighed Jed.  
  
"Thanks, Jed."  
  
"You're welcome son. Talk to you soon."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Josh hung up the phone and resumed his pacing. He stirred the sauce, got the  
  
box of spaghetti out of the cabinet and opened the fridge to grab some stuff  
  
to make a salad. Jessie wandered in the room.  
  
"Hey Daddy. Mommy coming home for dinner?"  
  
"Yep. You want to tear the lettuce?"  
  
"Sure." said Jessie as he pulled up a chair so he could wash his hands.  
  
"Did you go to work today?"  
  
"No, I have another couple of weeks off, why?"  
  
"You were wearing a tie."  
  
"Oh, I went to the White House."  
  
"Did you see the President?"  
  
"Sure did. I had a meeting with him." said Josh as he washed a tomato and  
  
put it on the cutting board.  
  
"Yuck, tomatoes." whined Jessie.  
  
"I'll leave them big, you can pick them out." offered Josh.  
  
"OK."  
  
They finished up the salad and Jessie hopped down to go find his brother.  
  
With the salad done and Jessie off to play with Jake, Josh was left by  
  
himself. He tried to think of a good way to break the news to Donna. Not  
  
coming up with anything he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. He put on a  
  
sweatshirt and his jacket and went to sit on the front porch swing. The  
  
weather had been warm for January and Josh was happy not to have to deal with  
  
snow and ice. One fall a winter was enough for him.  
  
As he sipped the beer he thought, really thought, about what he wanted to do.  
  
For the past 2 hours, there'd just been one thought after another running  
  
through his head. Now for the first time he was actually able to calm down a  
  
little and think about Hoynes' offer. So he sat, swinging and drinking his  
  
beer for almost an hour. The sun had set not long ago and the boys had just  
  
been out to check on him. He sent them in to set the table for dinner.  
  
By the time Donna pulled into the driveway a little while later he knew what  
  
he wanted to say.  
  
TBC 


	8. Ch 8

Stumbling Towards Contentment 8/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey." she said softly as she climbed up the steps. She walked over to the  
  
swing and sat down next to him, dropping her tote bag next to her.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Josh leaned over to kiss her softly. Donna broke the kiss and pulled back a  
  
little, resting her forehead on Josh's.  
  
"Donna, I need..."  
  
"Shh." said Donna as she reached up to put her warm fingers against his  
  
chilly lips. "Later. Ok?"  
  
Josh nodded and then smiled as she took the beer bottle from him and drained  
  
the rest of it as she stood up.  
  
Dinner was strained. They tried to keep up a conversation with the boys but  
  
even they knew something was up. After the boys cleared the table Donna sent  
  
them to the family room to play.  
  
Josh put the dishes in the dishwasher and put on the teakettle while Donna  
  
put away the leftovers. They made mindless small talk while they waited for  
  
the kettle to whistle. When the water was ready Donna made two big mugs of  
  
tea and handed one to Josh.  
  
"You want to go out on the porch?" he asked, not really wanting the boys to  
  
hear what could turn out to be a very loud conversation.  
  
"Sure. You grab the afghan and I'll go tell them we'll be outside."  
  
Josh grabbed his coat and pulled afghan off the back of the couch. Shoving  
  
his feet into his slippers he headed outside. The temperature had dropped  
  
considerably with the setting sun but it was still well above freezing. The  
  
sky was clear and the stars bright, lifting his mood just a little. He  
  
settled down at one end of the swing and waited for Donna.  
  
She stood in the doorway for a minute watching Josh. He didn't know she was  
  
there and she saw the nervousness on his face as he talked to himself,  
  
obviously trying to decide what to say to her. Coughing a little to make her  
  
presence known she pushed open the door and crossed the porch to where he was  
  
waiting.  
  
Josh held up the end of the blanket so she could sit down next to him. After  
  
taking a large sip of her tea she set the mug on the table at the end of the  
  
swing. He took a large sip too and Donna put his tea down next to hers.  
  
Awkwardly, Donna sat down at the opposite end of the swing but then an  
  
instant later motioned for Josh to scoot down closer to her. He rested his  
  
head on her shoulder for a minute while she ran her mittened hand down his  
  
cheek.  
  
After a kiss to his forehead Donna finally broke the silence. "So tell me  
  
about the meeting." she said with genuine interest and not even a hint of  
  
hostility.  
  
With a deep breath to try and calm himself down Josh spoke. "Hoynes offered  
  
me a job with the re-election campaign. And I'm considering taking it."  
  
He looked up expectantly at Donna, waiting for her to explode. But she  
  
didn't. All day she had prepared herself for this moment, without knowing  
  
exactly what the moment would hold. She knew exploding wouldn't do anything  
  
constructive and so she decided to try her best to remain calm. With a  
  
little nod of her head she motioned for Josh to go on.. Her lack of emotion,  
  
good or bad had startled him and it took him a moment to continue.  
  
"Uh, he needs a Political Advisor. His current one is leaving at the end of  
  
the month. Apparently I came out at the top of the short list."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you did. So now what?"  
  
"God Donna, am I nuts to want this? I mean...It's been a decade since I've  
  
lead this life; since we've led this life. I love teaching, I really do.  
  
But lately it's just not..."  
  
"Enough?"  
  
"Yeah. Politics is my life. It's who I am, it's who I've always been. The  
  
consulting I do is great. But it's not enough." he explained. He searched  
  
her face for a minute. "Why aren't you more surprised by this?"  
  
"I knew it was coming."  
  
"Hoynes talked to you?" asked Josh, sounding shocked.  
  
"No, no. I didn't know about the job offer. I just knew you weren't happy.  
  
You haven't been ever since the stroke. During the last few months it's been  
  
pretty obvious."  
  
"I guess it has. I just...I don't know, it took me a long time to figure out  
  
what my problem was."  
  
"I know. So what are we going to do?"  
  
"First things first; how do you feel about my taking the job?"  
  
"Scared."  
  
Josh laughed a little, "Good, then I'm not the only one who's terrified."  
  
"Nope. You need to find out how much is involved. Does Hoynes expect you to  
  
be on the road all the time? I honestly don't know if you can physically do  
  
that. Let's be realistic; there is no way you can keep up the pace you did  
  
during Jed first campaign."  
  
"I could barely keep up then." chuckled Josh. "What about you and the boys?  
  
Is this even fair to the three of you?"  
  
"It's not a question of things being fair. It's a question of what's right  
  
for our family. It's not like it would be forever, the election is 10 months  
  
away."  
  
"Yeah." said Josh as he suddenly looked away.  
  
Donna moved her head to look him in the eye. Josh deliberately tried not to  
  
meet her gaze, causing Donna to stop and think for a minute.  
  
"Josh, you left something out didn't you?"  
  
"Maybe." he admitted meekly.  
  
"Joshua." she said in a tone usually reserved for the boys.  
  
"Assuming he wins, Hoynes mentioned something about a job after the  
  
election."  
  
"Oh." was all Donna could say. In all the thinking she had done during the  
  
day, the thought that Hoynes might be looking to hire Josh permanently never  
  
crossed her mind. She had no idea why, but it just hadn't.  
  
"I take it that changes things?" asked Josh as he moved a little further away  
  
from Donna on the swing.  
  
Donna got off the couch and paced the length of the porch before saying a  
  
word. "Yeah, it changes things. Ten months is one thing, 5 years is  
  
something different. Am I a terrible person if I say that there's no way in  
  
hell I want you to work at the White House fulltime again?"  
  
"No." whispered Josh, "Not terrible...realistic."  
  
"Now what? Do you think Hoynes would want you for the campaign even if you  
  
have no intention of staying after it's over?"  
  
"Yeah. He assured me the two had nothing to do with each other."  
  
"What about school? The semester starts in a few weeks."  
  
"I'd have to take 2 semesters off."  
  
"God Josh, I don't know." sighed Donna. "Let's go in, I'm freezing."  
  
She gathered the mugs in one hand and helped Josh up with the other.  
  
"Why don't you go check on the boys, I'm going to find something for  
  
dessert." said Josh as he headed for the kitchen.  
  
"OK. There's Ben and Jerry's in the freezer. Don't bother with a bowl, I'm  
  
sure we'll finish it." she said with a grin.  
  
Josh got the ice cream out and hopped up onto the counter, careful not to  
  
bang his head on the cabinet. He was thankful for a few minutes alone. As a  
  
whole he thought the conversation was going well. No one had yelled or  
  
gotten overly upset. He just hoped that would last.  
  
A few minutes later Donna came out in her pajamas, well, actually his  
  
pajamas.  
  
"Hey, don't you have pajamas of your own?" he teased.  
  
"Yeah, but I like yours better." she smirked as she reached out for the ice  
  
cream. "So where were we?"  
  
"Uh, I was taking two semesters off of school."  
  
"Yeah. Look, the thought of you working on the campaign is something I can  
  
live with. But I have to be honest with you, I'm not at all thrilled about  
  
the idea of you doing it for 5 years."  
  
"Honestly, I can't see it either." he admitted. "So you're willing to let me  
  
give it a try."  
  
"It's not a case of me letting you do anything Josh, you're a grown man.  
  
It's about us coming to a mutual decision like the adults that we are."  
  
"OK, so do we mutually agree that I can take Hoynes' offer?"  
  
"A few conditions, rules if you will." smirked Donna.  
  
Josh rolled his eyes. "In the name of all that is good and holy, please no  
  
rules."  
  
"No rules, no job." teased Donna in a tone that led him to correctly assume  
  
she wasn't completely teasing.  
  
"Fine, what?"  
  
"First thing is you discuss this with Dr. Connors. I want her opinion. I  
  
also want you to go back to the therapist, regularly."  
  
"What? I don't have time to sit and talk to him." whined Josh.  
  
"That's not negotiable Josh. You should have been seeing him regularly all  
  
along but you slacked off and I let you. No more, party's over."  
  
"Fine. What else?"  
  
"You have to promise to take care of yourself. I mean it Josh, if I see  
  
you're getting too run down and not eating right that's it, you're done.  
  
"Yes, Mom." teased Josh.  
  
"Joshua." she said, in a tone that told him she was dead serious. He had  
  
visions of her dragging him home from the West Coast by his ear lobe.  
  
"Agreed." he said softly as he put down the ice cream and pulled her over  
  
until she stood in between his knees.  
  
Josh kissed the top of her head and held her close for a few minutes.  
  
"Everything's going to be fine." he whispered.  
  
"I know." she said with a little sniff.  
  
"Honey, why are you crying?"  
  
"I don't even know."  
  
"Well, then just stop." he teased.  
  
Donna pulled back to look him in the eye. He reached out to wipe her tears  
  
with his thumbs. "I'm going to go make sure the boys are in bed. Why don't  
  
you lock up?" said Donna.  
  
"No, I'll go up and check on them." he said as he slid off the counter.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll be down in a little while."  
  
Thirty minutes later Donna was brushing her teeth and about to get into bed  
  
when she realized she hadn't heard a sound coming from upstairs in a while.  
  
She went up to investigate and found the 3 guys in Jessie's room. Josh and  
  
Jessie were side by side on the twin bed, Josh was sitting up with a book in  
  
his hand and Jessie was stretched out next to him. Jake was curled up at the  
  
end of the bed. All were sound asleep. She was tempted to just leave them  
  
there but Josh was basically asleep sitting up and she knew he'd whine about  
  
his back in the morning if she left him there.  
  
"Josh." she said softly as she kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through  
  
his hair. "Wake up and come down to bed."  
  
"Huh?" asked Josh as he opened his eyes halfway. "Oh, yeah." he muttered  
  
when he realized where he was.  
  
Donna handed him his cane and helped him up. When they got to the landing  
  
she looked him in the eye to make sure he was awake enough to navigate the  
  
stairs.  
  
"I'm fine." he assured her.  
  
A little while later Donna was sound asleep. Josh was still wide-awake,  
  
wired with excitement. He got up out of bed so he wouldn't wake Donna with  
  
his tossing and turning. He wandered into the kitchen for a drink of water  
  
and glancing at the clock decided it wasn't too late to call Sam. He grabbed  
  
the portable phone off the wall in the kitchen and dialed as he finished his  
  
water. He tapped his foot nervously as he waited for Sam to answer.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hey, Sam."  
  
"Josh, I figured you'd be calling." teased Sam as he pushed open the sliding  
  
door to his patio, stepped out and stretched out on a lounge chair. "Well?"  
  
"Barring a veto by my doctor I'm going to take the job."  
  
"Wow, Donna agreed to this?" asked Sam, pretty shocked.  
  
"Yeah. She took it pretty well. She wasn't surprised at all, actually. I  
  
think she knew I was unhappy before I did. I have to take 2 semesters off  
  
from teaching. And of course Donna set up some rules."  
  
"Oh no, not rules." teased Sam.  
  
"Yeah, well, nothing outrageous. Other than clearing things with Dr.  
  
Connors, I have to see the therapist regularly and promise to actually take  
  
care of myself."  
  
"You realize that third rule is the one that's going to trip you up."  
  
"Yeah, I do. Thanks for the vote of confidence buddy."  
  
"Anytime. So you and Donna are really ok?"  
  
"Yeah, I think so. We'll tell the boys in the morning and I'll call Hoynes  
  
later tomorrow. I can't believe it Sam, I really can't."  
  
"I'm happy for you Josh, really. You've been through enough lately; it's  
  
nice to hear some excitement in your voice. So any trip out here planned  
  
yet?"  
  
"I don't have a schedule at all but I'm sure we'll be out there sometime  
  
before November." said Josh with a big yawn.  
  
"Good. Why don't we hang up, you sound exhausted. Call me later in the week  
  
when you know some more details."  
  
"I will. Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Josh wandered around the house for another 10 minutes or so until the urge to  
  
sleep finally came to him. He climbed in to bed and Donna curled up next to  
  
him, still sound asleep.  
  
TBC 


	9. Ch 9

Stumbling Towards Contentment 9/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The next morning they took the boys out to breakfast and told them the plans.  
  
Being 6 and 7 the thing they were most excited about was the possibility of  
  
visiting the White House and maybe even getting to fly on Air Force One.  
  
Josh spent the afternoon with President Hoynes at the White House going over  
  
details. He made it clear that he would not be accepting a job after the  
  
election. Hoynes understood perfectly and didn't press the issue.  
  
At Donna's insistence he also talked to his doctor. He thanked her profusely  
  
for taking time out for him on a Saturday. She gave her blessing and  
  
basically told him he'd better not forget rule #3, the one about taking care  
  
of himself.  
  
Josh and Donna went out to dinner with friends on Saturday night to celebrate  
  
his job. Margaret took the boys for pizza and bowling. Sunday found the  
  
boys doing homework, Josh locked away in his study getting things ready and  
  
Donna standing in the walk in closet in her room sorting through Josh's  
  
clothes. She tossed things out left and right, deciding that Josh really  
  
needed to go shopping.  
  
Josh wandered down the hall reading from the legal pad in his hand. He  
  
dropped into the chair by the window and continued reading. Two seconds  
  
later a pile of oxford shirts landed on his head.  
  
"Ow. Donna, I'm out here." he whined as she pulled the shirts off of his  
  
head and tossed them aside.  
  
"Sorry," she said as she poked her head out of the closet. "You really need  
  
to go shopping Josh."  
  
"God, not shopping." he whined.  
  
"Yes, shopping. You haven't had to wear a shirt and a tie everyday for a  
  
long, long time. You need some new clothes."  
  
"OK, next weekend." he agreed distractedly as he turned his attention back to  
  
the pad in his lap.  
  
"How's it going?" asked Donna as she balanced on the arm of the chair and  
  
tried to read over Josh's shoulder.  
  
"OK, I guess." he said with a tired sigh.  
  
"You're going to bed early tonight Josh." said Donna as she slid off the arm  
  
of the chair and sat in his lap.  
  
"Oh really?" said Josh with a leer.  
  
"To sleep, Joshua." she said as she leaned over to kiss him. He wound his  
  
fingers through her hair and pulled her closer to deepen the kiss. Neither  
  
one of them heard the door to the bedroom open.  
  
"Ewww gross." moaned Jake from the doorway.  
  
Josh and Donna quickly broke apart but when Donna tried to stand up Josh's  
  
hand went around her waist to keep her there. By that time Jessie had  
  
wandered into the room too. Jessie, always the cuddler, climbed into Donna's  
  
lap and put one arm around his Mom and the other around his Dad. With a sigh  
  
Jake decided he should really join the rest of them so he perched on the arm  
  
of the chair. Josh put his arm around his shoulders and kissed the top of  
  
his blond head. Jake managed to stick around for about 2 minutes before the  
  
whole familial bonding thing got to be annoying. Donna got up too, to finish  
  
in the closet. Jessie stayed in the chair with Josh and they talked.  
  
Donna couldn't hear there whole conversation from the closet but managed to  
  
get the general idea. Jessie was telling Josh how much he was going to miss  
  
him and in the same breath looking forward to spending more time with Ben.  
  
Donna smiled at the two of them, so much alike it was truly frightening.  
  
Jessie kissed Josh and scooted off the chair to go find his brother. "Jake."  
  
he bellowed down the hall.  
  
At the sound of his bellow Donna just looked at Josh, "Wonder where he gets  
  
that from?" she smirked.  
  
"No idea." said Josh, feigning innocence.  
  
Ben returned from his parents that night. Josh had already talked to him  
  
over the phone and explained the changes that were happening. Ben was fine  
  
with the fact that he would be doing more for the boys and less for Josh as a  
  
driver had been arranged for Josh.  
  
They ate an early dinner together and then Ben took the boys to the store to  
  
pick up a few things. Josh packed his backpack for the fourth time while  
  
Donna cleaned up in the kitchen.  
  
After the kids were in bed Donna settled down on the couch to do some  
  
reading. A bundle of nervous energy, Josh wandered aimlessly around the  
  
house until Donna was on the verge of screaming.  
  
"Josh, please, find something to do." she said as he took another lap around  
  
the living room.  
  
"I'm too wired." he said, as if that explanation was really necessary.  
  
"Take a bath, I'll make some tea."  
  
Josh contemplated the suggestion for a minute before finally agreeing to it.  
  
He grabbed a notepad and a pen before heading into the bathroom.  
  
"Leave the paper and pen Josh." called Donna.  
  
"Fine." he muttered as Donna just smiled and shook her head. As scared as  
  
she was about his taking the job she was also very proud of him. It was nice  
  
to see him excited about something for a change.  
  
With a mug of tea and a sleeping pill in her hand Donna went into the  
  
bathroom. She laughed at the sight of President Hoynes' newest advisor who  
  
was currently covered in bubbles and singing off key with his eyes closed.  
  
She watched him unnoticed for a minute until she couldn't hold in her  
  
laughter any longer.  
  
"What, don't I look like a political mastermind?" smirked Josh.  
  
"Not hardly. Here take this." she said handing him the tea and the pill. He  
  
eyed it warily. "I know you don't like to take it, but Josh, be realistic,  
  
if you don't take it you'll be up all night."  
  
"Suppose you're right."  
  
He took the pill with the tea and settled back down under the water. Donna  
  
wandered in and out of the room, getting her own things ready for the  
  
morning.  
  
When the water turned cool Josh climbed out, dried off and threw on his  
  
pajamas. He wandered back into the bedroom to find Donna wearing one of the  
  
oxford shirts she had taken out of the closet. Her hair was pulled off her  
  
face and her glasses were perched on her nose as she sat in the chair making  
  
notes in her planner. Completing her outfit was a pair of fuzzy blue  
  
slippers on her feet.  
  
"And you were making fun of me?" teased Josh from the doorway. "That's some  
  
fetching outfit there, Donnatella."  
  
"Why, thank you Joshua." she said with a smile.  
  
Josh sat down on the edge of the bed. Donna put aside her planner and  
  
shuffled in her blue slippers to stand in front of him, between his knees.  
  
Taking the towel out of his hands she dried his hair and then combed through  
  
it with her fingers while they chatted about a few things. She could tell  
  
the sleeping pill was starting to take effect. His words were starting to  
  
slur together a little and his eyelids were getting heavy.  
  
"Come on, crawl under the covers." said Donna as she helped him stand long  
  
enough to pull back the comforter.  
  
She got him settled under the blankets. Turning off the light and kicking  
  
off her slippers she crawled into bed next to him.  
  
Thanks to the sleeping pill Josh got almost 7 hours worth of sleep.  
  
Unfortunately that would probably be the longest he would sleep at one time  
  
for the next 10 months. He got up a little before six. Donna was already in  
  
the shower. Padding into the kitchen he grabbed the coffee out of the  
  
freezer and started up the coffee maker. He poured himself a glass of juice  
  
and took his pills. Pulling his robe tightly around him he stepped out onto  
  
the front porch to grab the newspaper.  
  
By the time Donna was done in the bathroom he had finished a cup of coffee, a  
  
bowl of cereal and the front section of the paper. While Donna got the kids  
  
up he took a quick shower. He stepped back into the bedroom to find an  
  
outfit laid out on the bed for him. On top was a note, "Don't expect this  
  
kind of service everyday. Love, Donna".  
  
With a huge smile on his face he got dressed. As he sat down on the chair to  
  
tie his shoes he glanced out the window to see Nick his assistant/driver pull  
  
up. He yelled to Donna to invite him in and offer him some coffee.  
  
Five minutes later he stood in front of the mirror over Donna's dresser  
  
trying to get his tie straight. Both hands were shaking and the fingers on  
  
his right hand were giving him problems, as they did every once in a while.  
  
"Donna." he whined towards the kitchen.  
  
She came in with her coffee to see what the problem was. She motioned for  
  
him to sit on the edge of the bed and with sure and steady fingers she  
  
straightened out the tie.  
  
She tipped up his chin to get a good look at him. He was more nervous than  
  
she had ever seen him.  
  
"Josh, take a deep breath for me." she said as she put her hands on his  
  
shoulders. He did as requested but still didn't look any calmer. "Try it  
  
again." she suggested.  
  
A few deep breaths later he looked and felt a little better.  
  
"OK, I'm ready. Where's my backpack?"  
  
"By the front door. The boys are eating breakfast, don't forget to say  
  
goodbye to them. I need to get dressed." she said as she motioned towards  
  
her closet. Josh took that as a sign she wasn't up to a big goodbye scene at  
  
the front door.  
  
"OK. Well, I guess this is it. I'll call you later." he said as he took a  
  
step towards he and hugged her. "I love you." he whispered in her ear before  
  
giving her one last kiss.  
  
"I love you too. Do good today." she whispered.  
  
Josh smiled at her comment. It was one she had made many, many times during  
  
their 4 years in the White House. He used to tease her that it was  
  
grammatically incorrect but she always came back with some comment about  
  
being impervious.  
  
"Bye." he whispered as he left quickly before Donna got overly emotional,  
  
something he was not ready to handle.  
  
Ben, the boys and Nick were all having a good laugh in the kitchen about  
  
something Jessie had said.  
  
"I see you've been introduced to the boys." Josh said to Nick.  
  
"Yes sir. You ready Mr. Lyman?" replied Nick as he drained his coffee cup  
  
and put it in the sink.  
  
"Nick, please don't call me that. Josh is fine. And drop the sir too."  
  
"OK. I'll just go start the car. Nice to meet you." he said in the  
  
direction of Ben, Jake and Jessie. "Do you need me to take anything out to  
  
the car?"  
  
"No, I'm fine thanks."  
  
Josh said his goodbyes to Ben and the boys and went to grab his backpack. As  
  
he hoisted it up onto his shoulder he took another deep breath and reached  
  
out to open the front door. He walked out into the crisp January morning,  
  
ready to start this next phase of his life.  
  
In the bedroom Donna was peering out the window as he walked down the front  
  
steps. With a slight swagger he walked to the car, tossed his backpack on  
  
the back seat and climbed in. As if he knew she would be watching, he waved  
  
towards the window and smiled.  
  
TBC 


	10. Ch 10

Stumbling Towards Contentment 10/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Josh's first week went by quickly and fairly smoothly. He settled into his  
  
office and debated whether or not to hire an assistant in addition to Nick.  
  
For now he decided to just work with Nick. He wasn't in the mood to break in  
  
two people at once. He did no traveling the first week, coming home every  
  
night to sleep in his own bed.  
  
Donna kept a close eye on him but tried not to hover. He seemed to be  
  
handling the schedule pretty well. He made a point of trying to get to bed  
  
at a decent hour. At Donna's insistence he had taken a sleeping pill a few  
  
times when it was clear he was having trouble settling down.  
  
He was late getting home on Friday night, having attended a fundraising  
  
dinner. Coming in the front door a little before midnight he tried to be as  
  
quiet as he could. But considering his state of exhaustion that wasn't very  
  
quiet. Donna was dozing on the couch and the sound of his backpack hitting  
  
the floor in the foyer woke her up.  
  
"Josh?" she called as she rubbed her eyes and tried to sit up.  
  
Josh stumbled into living room, shedding his suit coat and loosening his tie.  
  
"Yeah, it's me, go back to sleep."  
  
"How was the dinner?" asked Donna as she moved over a little, giving Josh  
  
room to sit down.  
  
"Boring." he said with a smile as he toed off his shoes and unbuttoned his  
  
blue dress shirt, fumbling with the buttons on the cuff of his left sleeve.  
  
"Good food?" asked Donna as she reached out to grab his left wrist. She  
  
undid the buttons and motioned for Josh to hold up his other arm so she could  
  
undo those buttons too.  
  
"Yeah." he muttered as he tossed his tie on the coffee table, followed  
  
quickly by his dress shirt. He pulled his t-shirt out of his pants and  
  
collapsed against the back of the couch with his eyes closed.  
  
"You don't have to be back in tomorrow morning do you?" she asked as she took  
  
a good look at him.  
  
"Nope. Not until 2:00."  
  
"Good, you need some sleep. Why don't you go lay down, I'll turn out the  
  
lights and be in there in a minute. I'm guessing you don't need a sleeping  
  
pill?"  
  
"No, but I'll take a glass of water."  
  
By the time Donna had turned out a few lights and poured Josh a glass of  
  
water he was sound asleep. Thankfully he had managed to undo his belt, drop  
  
his pants on the floor and pull the covers back before he drifted off.  
  
The next morning Donna took the boys to basketball practice at 9:00 leaving  
  
Josh still sound asleep. He had managed to drag himself out of bed a few  
  
minutes before they returned home about 11. The boys were excited to see him  
  
and he showered quickly and took them to McDonald's for lunch before he  
  
headed to the White House. He was home by 6 and Donna dragged him out to go  
  
shopping for some new clothes.  
  
Sunday found them doing their normal routine of homework, laundry and  
  
preparations for the week ahead. The one exception was that Josh was in the  
  
process of packing for a three-day trip to Michigan. Donna had already  
  
picked out suits and ties for him, leaving him the boring underwear, socks,  
  
and pajamas to grab out of the dresser and toss in the suitcase.  
  
While he packed Donna was quietly reading in the chair. Every once in a  
  
while she peered over her reading glasses at him. As much as she tried not  
  
to show it, he saw the apprehension on her face. After he shoved a pair of  
  
jeans in the suitcase he sat down on the ottoman in front of her. Gently  
  
taking the file from her he put his elbows on her knees and took her hands in  
  
his.  
  
"Honey, I'm going to be fine."  
  
"I know. It's just that this will be the first night since you came home  
  
from the hospital after the stroke that we've spent apart."  
  
"I know. I thought about that this morning."  
  
"But I suppose we'll just have to get used to it. You packed all your pills  
  
and stuff."  
  
"Two prescriptions and a bottle of Tylenol."  
  
"Heating pad and sleeping pills?"  
  
"Donna," he whined, "I'm only going away for two nights."  
  
"Yes, and if you don't sleep either of those nights you're not going to be  
  
very pleasant to be around come Wednesday night. Now, the heating pad is on  
  
the couch in your study and the sleeping pills are in the bathroom."  
  
Josh left the room to get the missing items and Donna headed for the kitchen  
  
to make a quick dinner.  
  
The boys were in bed by 9:00. Donna was in the process of trying to get Josh  
  
to go to bed around 10:00 as Nick was coming to pick him up at 5:30. Josh  
  
was wandering around, getting a few things ready for the morning, trying to  
  
wind down enough to sleep.  
  
"Donna, you're hovering." he said plainly as she stood in the doorway and  
  
offered him a cup of tea. He was in his study going over a few things and  
  
packing his backpack. She came in and sat on the edge of the desk, playing  
  
with a picture of the boys. Josh was starting to get a little annoyed with  
  
her. He knew she was just trying to look out for him but at times it just  
  
got to be too much. Too much of a reminder that maybe he did need someone to  
  
look after him. "Donna, please, I just need half an hour then I'll go to  
  
bed." he said in a slightly more dismissive tone than he had planned.  
  
"Fine." she muttered as she slid off the desk and went down the hall to their  
  
bedroom.  
  
For a second Josh thought about following her but he knew he'd be better off  
  
finishing what he had to do and then going to talk with her. Besides, he  
  
could hear the water running in the tub. That meant she'd be soaking in the  
  
bubbles for at least 45 minutes.  
  
Twenty-five minutes later he appeared in the doorway to the bathroom.  
  
He watched for a minute as Donna lounged in the tub reading a magazine. Her  
  
hair was piled up on her head and she was squinting as she had forgotten her  
  
glasses.  
  
"You know, it would be a lot easier to read if you were wearing your  
  
glasses." teased Josh.  
  
"Yeah. I forgot them and didn't feel like climbing out to get them."  
  
"I'll be back." said Josh as he walked into the bedroom and grabbed her  
  
glasses off the nightstand. "Here." he said, handing her the glasses. "Look,  
  
I'm sorry about before."  
  
"Me too. I guess I'm not handling this whole thing too well."  
  
"I think we both need a little work."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
A few minutes later Donna got out and they went to bed. Josh left before  
  
anyone was up the next morning.  
  
And so as winter turned to spring Josh and the rest of the family settled  
  
into a somewhat predictable routine over the next few months. Josh was  
  
usually gone 2 or 3 nights a week. He made a point of catching up on his  
  
sleep the day he returned from a trip, often working from home that day.  
  
The campaign was going well. Hoynes was very understanding about the fact  
  
that Josh had his limits, both physically and mentally.  
  
Much to Donna's surprise Josh did indeed seem to be taking pretty good care  
  
of himself. Of course she kept a close eye on him but tried her best not to  
  
hover. He saw the therapist regularly and walked for exercise when he could.  
  
The swallowing difficulties plagued him off and on somewhat but he just ate  
  
what he could. He had just had an appointment with Dr. Connors in April and  
  
she assured him he was doing just fine.  
  
The first half of Spring flew by and the family suddenly found themselves  
  
faced again with the month of May. Jake had wanted the family to go away  
  
again to celebrate his birthday but Donna was swamped at work and Josh was  
  
scheduled to leave for a 5 days swing through the west coast the night of  
  
Jake's birthday. After much discussion, pleading and deal making Josh decided  
  
to take Jake with him on his trip. Josh was spending one night with Sam and  
  
Sam had volunteered to keep Jake a second night.  
  
The family celebrated Jake's birthday a day early by going out to dinner and  
  
to the movies. By 4:00 the afternoon of his 8th birthday he and Josh were on  
  
their way to Andrews Air Force Base to board Air Force One.  
  
Jake quickly became the press mascot on the plane, giving Josh some time to  
  
catch up on some reading and most importantly to catch up on some sleep. The  
  
last few days had been rough, there was the trip to prepare for, he was  
  
having trouble eating, he was tired. And then there were the emotions that  
  
surfaced every May from the shooting and now he had the anniversary of the  
  
stroke to deal with too. He had seriously thought about just hiding himself  
  
away at home for a few days but he knew that would just give him more time to  
  
brood. And would give Donna something to worry about. And she didn't need  
  
any more things to worry about.  
  
An hour in to the flight Josh was restlessly wandering around the plane  
  
having just finished a short meeting with Hoynes. Dinner was about to be  
  
served and he was looking for Jake. He found him in the press cabin sitting  
  
next to a cute blond reporter from the New York Times. They were eating  
  
hamburgers and fries. "That's my boy." Josh muttered to himself. Jake  
  
looked up and waved before turning his attention back to his new found  
  
friend.  
  
Josh wandered into the conference room to find his own dinner waiting for  
  
him, a club sandwich and a bottle of iced tea. He took out some reading  
  
material and spread it out in front of him on the table. For the next hour  
  
or so he read and picked at the food on his plate. Nick wandered in and sat  
  
down across from him, handing him a fax that had just come up to the plane.  
  
"Thanks." muttered Josh as he read the paper Nick handed him.  
  
"You didn't eat much." Nick pointed out as he motioned to Josh's plate.  
  
"Not hungry." mumbled Josh as he looked up at Nick. It was at moments like  
  
these that he regretted the fact that Nick and Ben had become friends. The  
  
tag team worrying and hovering got on his nerves at times. But he knew that  
  
if things continued the way they had been over the past two or three days he  
  
was headed for trouble. "Actually, it wasn't going down too well." he  
  
admitted.  
  
"You want me to see if I can track down some ice cream or something?"  
  
"Yeah, thanks. And do me a favor and peek in the Press Cabin, see if Jake is  
  
still using the Lyman charm on that reporter."  
  
"No problem." said Nick with a grin.  
  
Josh took a glance at the mess of papers in front of him, shoved them into  
  
his backpack and then put a call through to Donna.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi, it's me."  
  
"Josh, you ok. You sound like crap."  
  
"Gee thanks Donna, I can always count on you to make me feel better."  
  
"Josh..." she said with a slightly warning tone in her voice.  
  
"I'm tired, I couldn't eat. Nick went to track down some ice cream. Jake is  
  
busy in the Press Cabin using his considerable charms on a cute blond  
  
reporter." he said with a little laugh.  
  
"He's a Lyman."  
  
"He sure is. How's Jessie?"  
  
"Fine. He and Ben went out to get pizza for dinner."  
  
"Do you managed to have an evening alone?"  
  
"Yep and I'm enjoying it immensely." sighed Donna as she sank further down  
  
into the bathtub.  
  
"Are you taking a bath?"  
  
"For the past hour or so." she admitted with a laugh.  
  
"Then I'll let you go. Nick just came in the door with some ice cream."  
  
"OK. Josh, get some sleep on the plane, you need it."  
  
"I will. I'm going to eat this and then curl up in a corner. I'll call you  
  
in the morning. Love you."  
  
"Love you too, bye."  
  
Josh hung up and took the ice cream from Nick. He ate most of it, checked on  
  
Jake and curled up in a quiet corner to get a few hours sleep.  
  
TBC 


	11. Ch 11

Stumbling Towards Contentment 11/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
Both Josh and Jake crashed when they got to the hotel. The next morning Jake  
  
was up before Josh and had already found the ice machine and the hospitality  
  
room by the time his father woke up. He was busy eating a bagel and watching  
  
cartoons when Josh sat up.  
  
"Morning Jake," he muttered as he stumbled towards the bathroom.  
  
"Hey Dad, you want a bagel?" asked Jake without looking away from the TV.  
  
"No, how about you go see if you can find some yogurt and a bottle of iced  
  
tea. I'm going to take a quick shower."  
  
"OK."  
  
By the time Josh got out of the shower Jake was dressed and had finished  
  
eating. Nick was knocking on the door between their adjoining rooms.  
  
"Come in." yelled Josh as he sat down on the bed in his suit pants and  
  
t-shirt to eat the container of yogurt Jake had brought back for him. He  
  
managed to finish most of it while going over some figures with Nick. They  
  
were on a tight schedule for the day and then Josh and Jake were going to  
  
spend the night at Sam's. There was a fundraising dinner that night but  
  
President Hoynes had already told Josh to skip it and get some rest. The  
  
plan was for Josh to rejoin the group in the morning and for Sam to keep Jake  
  
another night. That left two more days of campaign stops before they headed  
  
back home.  
  
By the time Josh and Jake were on they way to Sam's house late that afternoon  
  
Josh was fading fast. He was tired, jet-lagged, his back was bothering him  
  
and his leg was stiff. Sam bounded down the front steps when he heard the  
  
car pull in to the driveway. As tired as Josh was he had a big smile on his  
  
face for his best friend. They hadn't seen each other since Labor Day  
  
weekend. They did the manly hug thing and Josh introduced Nick to Sam. Nick  
  
helped bring in their bags and then made a quick exit to go get ready for the  
  
dinner.  
  
Sam had moved since the last time Josh had been in California. His house,  
  
though small, was very nice. A mixture of bachelor furniture and family  
  
heirlooms filled the house. After the quick tour Jake went out to shot  
  
baskets in the driveway while Josh and Sam settled down on the deck in the  
  
back.  
  
Sam was sitting on the railing of the deck, watching Josh try to get  
  
comfortable in the lounge chair.  
  
"Sam, just say it and get it over with." muttered Josh as he pulled his tie  
  
off and rolled up his sleeves.  
  
"Fine. You look like crap Josh." he stated simply as he got off the railing  
  
and sat down on the end of Josh's lounge chair.  
  
"I know. But I swear, I've been fine since I started the job. It's just  
  
been really hectic the last few days. I'll be fine with some sleep."  
  
"And some decent food. You up to going out tonight or do you just want to  
  
eat here?"  
  
"Let's just stay here. That ok?"  
  
"Sure. You think you can handle chicken breasts on the grill?"  
  
"Yeah, things seem to be going down pretty well today."  
  
"Good. Let me go defrost some. You want a drink?"  
  
"Iced tea'd be great." he answered as he got up from the lounger. "I'm going  
  
to go change. I'll be right back."  
  
"Take your time."  
  
Josh changed into a pair of cargo shorts and a Georgetown t-shirt. He took a  
  
couple of Tylenol and went back out to the deck. Sam was already firing up  
  
the grill.  
  
Dinner was nice and relaxed. Josh managed to eat some chicken. They caught  
  
each other up on everything that was new. Josh told Sam all about the job.  
  
Sam told of his law firm's new cases and of the occasional dates he went on.  
  
Sam was a confirmed bachelor and didn't ever see that changing. He loved his  
  
life as it was and he didn't need anything or anyone to help him live it.  
  
Jet lag caught up to Jake who fell asleep on a lounge chair after dinner but  
  
before dessert. Sam and Josh had some ice cream and talked until around 10  
  
when Josh basically fell asleep mid-sentence.  
  
Dragging himself out of bed the next morning proved to be a rather difficult  
  
task for Josh. He hadn't slept well and was still stiff despite sleeping on  
  
the heating pad. Sam held his tongue when he got a good look at Josh at the  
  
breakfast table. Nick came by about 7:30 to pick up Josh.  
  
The next few days were exhausting but Josh managed to somehow drag himself  
  
through them. By the time they were on the way home on Thursday night not an  
  
hour went by without someone asking if he was ok. He was about to just tape a  
  
sign to his chest that said, "Yes, I know I look like crap."  
  
Jake was once again hanging out in the Press Cabin and Nick was practically  
  
glued to Josh's side, basically making sure he was still breathing.  
  
"Nick, please, I'm fine." mumbled Josh as he unfolded a blanket and threw it  
  
over himself.  
  
"Yeah. I know what fine looks like, Josh. And you're, well, far from fine."  
  
Josh just looked at him with a pleading look in his eyes.  
  
"Give a yell if you need anything." said Nick as he clicked off the light  
  
over Josh's head and left him alone in the cabin.  
  
Four hours later, having slept through a rainstorm, dinner and a rough  
  
landing Josh woke up to the feeling of someone shaking his shoulder.  
  
"Josh, wake up." said Nick.  
  
"Huh?" mumbled Josh as he struggled to sit up.  
  
"We landed. Wake up." said Nick on the verge of getting annoyed. "Here are  
  
your shoes. Is Donna meeting you here?"  
  
At the mention of her name Josh snapped completely awake. "Damn, she's gonna  
  
kill me." he muttered.  
  
"Why cause you look like death warmed over?" smirked Nick.  
  
"You're fired." said Josh with a grin.  
  
"Impervious." Nick shot back.  
  
Josh just shook his head. "I really need to put an end to the time Donna  
  
spends with you and Ben. She's a bad influence on both of you."  
  
"Come on, let's go, Jake's already outside waving to the Press Corps." said  
  
Nick as he handed Josh his cane and threw his backpack over his shoulder.  
  
Donna pulled up just in time to see Nick and Josh descend the stairs. She  
  
had spoken to Sam the day before and thought she was prepared to see Josh.  
  
But one look at him and she was literally torn between beating the crap out  
  
of him and taking him home and fussing over him for a week.  
  
With a sigh she decided that 8:00 at night probably wasn't the best time in  
  
the world to pick a fight with someone who looked like they were minutes away  
  
from passing out. She met them at the edge of the roped off area. She said  
  
nothing as she kissed Josh on the cheek and took him by the arm. Jake took  
  
her other hand and the three of them walked quietly to the car with Nick  
  
behind them carrying Josh's luggage.  
  
Donna deposited Josh in the passenger's seat and popped open the trunk for  
  
Nick.  
  
"Thanks for keeping an eye on him."  
  
"You're welcome. I just wish I did a better job." said Nick with a shrug.  
  
"Believe me, you did the best you could. Joshua Lyman gives new meaning to  
  
the words stubborn and pig-headed. Barring a national emergency he won't be  
  
in until Monday."  
  
"The President already informed him that if he set foot in the White House  
  
the Secret Service would shoot him on sight." laughed Nick.  
  
"Good. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Thanks again."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Nick gave Jake a big high-five and went on his way. By the time Donna got in  
  
the car Josh was asleep, snoring softly with his head against the window.  
  
"So Dad's in trouble, huh?" asked Jake.  
  
"Oh yeah." grinned Donna. "But I think we'll let him catch up on his sleep fi  
  
rst." she said as she eased the car in to gear.  
  
Jake and Donna chatted about the trip while Josh mumbled a few times in his  
  
sleep but never woke up. When they got home Ben helped Josh inside while  
  
Donna grabbed the bags.  
  
"He's all yours." grinned Ben as he shut the bedroom door behind him and  
  
headed for the kitchen.  
  
"Gee thanks." yelled Donna from the laundry room where she was emptying the  
  
suitcase and tossing in a load of clothes. Actually she was trying to calm  
  
herself down before she faced Josh. Not that it would really matter, she was  
  
sure he would sleep through the night anyway.  
  
"Let me know if you need help hiding the body." teased Ben.  
  
"I will. Do me a favor and make sure the boys are getting ready for bed."  
  
"Sure. Give a yell if you need anything."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
The laundry in the washer and the boys taken care of, Donna headed for the  
  
kitchen poured a glass of juice and grabbed some Tylenol on the off chance  
  
that Josh was actually awake. With a deep calming breath she opened the door  
  
to the bedroom. Josh was curled up facing the wall. Ben had pulled his  
  
shoes off and tossed the blanket over him but other than that he left Josh  
  
fully dressed, belt and wallet included. Donna sat down next to him and  
  
reached over to feel his forehead. As she suspected he was hot. Carefully  
  
she pulled his wallet out of his pocket and rolled him onto his back to take  
  
his belt off. He moaned a little but didn't wake up.  
  
Donna changed into a pair of pajamas and went to grab the ear thermometer and  
  
a cool cloth out of the bathroom. Josh was half awake when she came back  
  
out. She held up the thermometer and he rolled over on his side.  
  
"How high?"  
  
"101.8" she answered. "Why don't you change into some pajamas?"  
  
She helped him out of his jeans and sweatshirt and helped him put on a pair  
  
of old, comfortable pajamas. He curled up under the comforter and tried to  
  
get comfortable.  
  
"Go ahead." he whispered, his eyes half closed.  
  
"Not now. I want you wide awake and fully aware when I yell at you." said  
  
Donna sharply.  
  
Even though it shouldn't have, her tone surprised Josh. He gave a little nod  
  
of resignation and Donna's face softened as she took a good look at him.  
  
"So besides the fact that you haven't had a decent nights sleep in about a  
  
week and you've got yourself a nice fever, what else is going on?"  
  
"My back hurts."  
  
"Stiff from the sitting on the plane maybe?"  
  
"No, not stiff. It just hurts, along with my head."  
  
"Here take some Tylenol." she said as she handed him the pills and the glass  
  
of juice. "Where's the heating pad?"  
  
"In my backpack."  
  
A few minutes later Josh was settled down on his stomach with the heating pad  
  
draped over his lower back. Donna was sitting next to him gently rubbing her  
  
hand over his shoulders. The feelings of wanting to tear him limb from limb  
  
had receded, only to be replaced by genuine worry over the fact that he  
  
really seemed to be in pain. While it was certainly true that he hadn't been  
  
taking the greatest care of himself over the last week or so Donna was pretty  
  
sure that whatever was wrong with him was caused by more than his inability  
  
to slow down. And that scared her more than she cared to admit.  
  
TBC 


	12. ch 12

Stumbling Towards Contentment 12/14  
  
By Ginny K.  
  
See part one for notes and stuff  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
As Donna had expected, it turned out to be a long night. Josh woke up just  
  
about every hour on the hour. His fever stayed up and he was truly  
  
miserable.  
  
About 5 in the morning Donna woke up to the feeling of Josh getting out of  
  
bed. She saw him head for the bathroom. When he didn't close the door  
  
behind him she got up to check on him. He was sitting on the edge of the  
  
tub, shaking and very pale.  
  
Donna took one look at him and turned back into the bedroom to grab the  
  
blanket off the back of the chair. She came back and sat down next to him,  
  
wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. Placing her hand against his  
  
cheek she sighed how hot he felt. She reached over and grabbed the  
  
thermometer off the counter.  
  
"Still up?" he asked quietly as Donna took a glance at the read out.  
  
"102.1." said Donna as she glanced out at the small clock on the shelf.  
  
"It's been long enough, I'll get some more Tylenol. You want anything else?"  
  
"Ginger ale." he whispered.  
  
Donna was back in a minute with the pills and a can of soda. She opened the  
  
soda and handed it to him. He swallowed the pills, handed her back the soda  
  
and opened his mouth to speak but ended up leaning over the toilet to get  
  
sick.  
  
"Sshh, it's ok. Just relax...I'm right here...take a breath." murmured Donna  
  
as she put a cool cloth on the back of his neck, held his head and rubbed his  
  
back. Not having eaten very much he quickly entered the dry heaving part of  
  
the ordeal.  
  
It took a good twenty minutes for him to calm down and catch his breath  
  
enough to consider moving away from the toilet. He eventually just sat back  
  
against the wall next to the tub, knees to his chest, head back, eyes closed.  
  
Donna wiped his face and sat with him, the quiet of the room broken only by  
  
his harsh breathing. Reaching over Josh's head, Donna grabbed a big bath  
  
towel off the shelf and put it in her lap. She maneuvered him enough to get  
  
him to lay down with his head in her lap. They stayed that way until she  
  
heard a soft knock on the door to the bedroom followed by Ben's voice.  
  
"Donna?"  
  
"Come on in." she sighed as she pushed open the bathroom door a little.  
  
"Everything ok? You need anything?" he asked quietly as he stuck his head  
  
in.  
  
"Things are just peachy. You can get me the phone though." she answered as  
  
glanced down to find Josh sound asleep. "And I'd be eternally grateful if  
  
you started the coffee maker." she said with a small smile.  
  
"Already done. Don't worry about the boys, I'll get them ready for school."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Ben returned a minute later with the portable phone and a mug of coffee. He  
  
handed Donna the phone and put the coffee on the counter. Pausing just  
  
second to recall the number Donna called Dr. Connors' service and left a  
  
message to have her call as soon as she could. The phone rang less than five  
  
minutes later.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi, Donna, it's Jill Connors, what's up?"  
  
"Well, for starters Josh's temp is hovering up around 102. He's been run  
  
down and tired the last few days. He's been traveling, not eating or  
  
sleeping much. I thought that's all it was until he started running the  
  
fever. Been complaining about pain in his back, not stiffness, but pain,  
  
headache and he just got sick about 45 minutes ago."  
  
"Sounds like it was a great night in the Lyman house. What's he doing now?"  
  
"Would you believe sleeping on the floor of the bathroom?"  
  
Jill chuckled a bit. "I'd pretty much believe anything you tell me about  
  
Josh. I'll be in the office by 7, bring him over when he wakes up. My guess  
  
would be a kidney infection along with some other things..." she said, her  
  
voice trailing off as she yawned.  
  
"And those things would be exhaustion, dehydration, stuff like that." sighed  
  
Donna, already knowing what was coming next.  
  
"Yep. So I would pack a bag cause I'll probably send him to the ER for a day  
  
of IV antibiotics and fluids."  
  
"Oh joy. We'll see you soon. Thanks so much for getting right back to me."  
  
"Not a problem. I'll see you two when you get here."  
  
As she clicked off the phone Donna ran her fingers through Josh's hair. He  
  
stirred a little at her touch and eventually opened his eyes. Donna told him  
  
about the conversation with Jill and much to her surprise he didn't complain  
  
about the fact that she was probably going to send him to the hospital.  
  
Which, of course, made Donna worry even more.  
  
By 7:10 they were on their way to Jill's office. She met them at the door  
  
and after getting one look at Josh was half tempted to just send them to GW  
  
without even checking him out. But she didn't and she ushered them into the  
  
exam room. Josh sat down on the table and Donna helped him slip off his  
  
coat. Jill took his vitals, did a quick exam and handed him a plastic cup.  
  
"Great." he groaned as he took the cup from Jill and his cane from Donna.  
  
He was back in a minute. Jill took the cup from him and took it over to the  
  
small lab in the back of her office. It only took her a minute to take a  
  
quick look under the microscope.  
  
"OK, with the fever, the back pain, the headache and the blood in the urine  
  
it looks like a kidney infection. So given your considerable skill at  
  
becoming dehydrated you just won yourself a day long stay at the lovely  
  
George Washington University Hospital."  
  
Josh groaned but since he knew it would be a losing battle he didn't bother  
  
to argue.  
  
"I'll call ahead, they'll be expecting you. I'll try to come over around  
  
lunch time."  
  
Josh muttered his thanks. Jill mouthed "Good luck" in Donna's direction as  
  
she waved goodbye to them.  
  
Fourteen hours later they walked in the front door of their house. Josh was  
  
a little groggy from something they had given him to relax. Donna settled  
  
him down with the heating pad on the couch in the study. She turned on CNN  
  
for him and went to take a quick shower to get rid of the lingering hospital  
  
smell.  
  
"Josh you hungry?" she asked as she stood in the doorway drying her hair with  
  
a towel.  
  
"A little, I think."  
  
Donna came back 10 minutes later with a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches  
  
and 2 bottles of iced tea.  
  
They ate in silence. Josh managed to finish most of the sandwich and all of  
  
the tea.  
  
"So, I guess we need to talk?" he said with a sigh.  
  
"Yeah, but you know what, it's getting late and I honestly don't feel up to  
  
getting into this right now." she said with a shrug of her shoulders. "We'll  
  
talk when you feel better."  
  
"OK. I think I'm going to just take a quick shower and go to bed."  
  
"Fine. I'll be there in a while."  
  
Donna spent most of Saturday with the boys. They had basketball games in the  
  
morning and she took them out shopping in the afternoon. She felt that  
  
distancing herself from Josh for the day was a good idea. And it probably  
  
was. He spent most of the day sleeping.  
  
Ben had plans for the evening so Margaret had offered to take the boys for  
  
the night so Josh and Donna could talk. By the time Donna got home a little  
  
after 3 Josh was up and had just gotten out of the shower. He was reading  
  
and eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese at the kitchen table.  
  
"Hey, feeling better?" asked Donna as she stopped long enough to kiss the top  
  
of his head before putting the milk she just bought in the refrigerator.  
  
"A little I guess."  
  
"You take your pills?" she asked as went over to him to feel his forehead.  
  
He nodded. "Still pretty warm."  
  
"Yeah. I took Tylenol too. So the boys are at Margaret's?"  
  
"Yeah." she answered as she put the teakettle on the stove.  
  
"Time to talk?"  
  
"I think so. You want to go first?"  
  
"No, feel free." he said as he gestured towards her.  
  
Donna walked over to the table and took a seat opposite him. "Fine. The  
  
first thing I want to say is I'm proud of you, you made it almost 5 months  
  
without running yourself into the ground."  
  
"Was that supposed to be funny?" he asked, eyebrows raised.  
  
"Yeah, but it's also the truth." she said flatly. "Now what?"  
  
"I take another day to recover and I go back to work on Monday morning."  
  
"And what, just forget that this happened?"  
  
"That what happened? I got a kidney infection. I didn't get that from not  
  
sleeping or eating right."  
  
"No, but it made it worse and it hit you harder because you were too  
  
rundown."  
  
"It was just a bad week." Josh tried to explain. "It's just a bad..."  
  
"A bad month." whispered Donna, finishing his thought.  
  
Josh nodded and glanced at the calendar on the wall. The next day was the  
  
14-year anniversary of Rosslyn and the one-year anniversary of his stroke had  
  
just passed.  
  
"But you know what, it doesn't matter to me why it was a bad week, month  
  
whatever. What bothers me is that you didn't take care of yourself. That's  
  
the bottom line."  
  
"Meaning what?" asked Josh, not quite sure where the conversation was headed.  
  
"You remember the rules?"  
  
"Oh, will you just be quiet about the rules." groaned Josh, clearly annoyed  
  
with the whole conversation.  
  
Donna just stared at him for a second, pushed back her chair and stood up.  
  
She glared at him for a second and went to pour 2 cups of tea. She put one  
  
down in front of him with enough force to spill a little onto the placemat.  
  
Josh sopped it up with a napkin while he waited to see what would happen  
  
next.  
  
"So now we should just wait for the next time? Maybe next time it'll be a  
  
little more exciting, something to land you in the hospital for longer than  
  
12 hours, yeah, maybe another stroke." she yelled.  
  
Josh just stared at her. While it was common for them to have rather lively  
  
discussions when they disagreed, they rarely yelled at each other. And when  
  
one of them was yelling it was usually him.  
  
"What's the matter Josh, can't think of a smart ass comeback?"  
  
"I don't have a c-clue what I could say right now that wouldn't make you even  
  
angrier."  
  
"I could think of one thing." muttered Donna under her breath.  
  
Josh took a deep breath, "I guess I can think of it too... but there's no way  
  
in hell I am q-quitting." he yelled right back.  
  
He stood up and walked over to look out the window over the sink. Donna  
  
watched him from behind as he gripped the counter until his knuckles turned  
  
white and his arms starting shaking. It took everything she had to stay on  
  
the other side of the room. She could tell Josh was watching her reflection  
  
in the window, just waiting for her to come over to him, to tell him things  
  
would all work out, to wrap her arms around him. But she didn't budge.  
  
So there they stood, silently fuming at each other, waiting to see what would  
  
happen next, waiting to see who would make the next move.  
  
Josh eventually loosened his grip on the counter and turned around. Donna  
  
was still staring at him, arms folded across her chest. He unconsciously  
  
imitated her pose.  
  
"Now what?" asked Donna. "I just sit back and wait?"  
  
"Wait for what?" asked Josh.  
  
"I don't know...for another horrible event that I can mark down on my  
  
calendar. Another anniversary."  
  
"What the hell are you talking about."  
  
"You just don't get it, do you Josh?"  
  
"Apparently not." he yelled as he threw his arms in the air. "Why don't you  
  
enlighten me Donna?"  
  
"I'm just supposed to sit around and watch you drive yourself into an early  
  
grave?"  
  
"That's not what I'm doing."  
  
"Sure looks that way from here. Maybe you could do me a favor and make it in  
  
May, that way all of my horrible anniversaries are in the same month. Makes  
  
them easier to remember." she screamed, her hand flying up to her mouth as  
  
soon as the words crossed her lips. She never before had such a feeling of  
  
utter and complete regret in all her life.  
  
The words just hung there for a minute, as both Josh and Donna were too  
  
shocked to say much of anything. But Josh found his voice pretty quickly.  
  
"That was real m-mature. What ever happened to us t-talking about things  
  
like adults?"  
  
"I guess we'll have to wait until we act like adults to find out." yelled  
  
Donna.  
  
"D-donna, we're not getting anywhere, you realize that, right?" he asked, his  
  
voice softening a little.  
  
"Yes, I do realize that." she said as all of the sudden standing seemed to  
  
take up too much energy and she slide down the wall to sit on the floor.  
  
"T-too much fighting wearing you out?" he smirked.  
  
"Something like that."  
  
"And I was just getting started. I'm ready to go another few rounds."  
  
"Yeah and that's why you've been stuttering for the last ten minutes."  
  
In the past 6 months Josh's stuttering had become almost non-existent,  
  
appearing only when he was utterly frustrated.  
  
"I was hoping you wouldn't n-notice that." he said quietly as he walked  
  
across the room to stand in front of her. He weighed the practicality of  
  
sitting down on the floor with her; finally deciding it wouldn't be such a  
  
good idea.  
  
"I notice everything Josh. Haven't you figured that out by now?"  
  
"I have. And sometimes I wish you weren't so observant."  
  
"You know what, so do I." Donna admitted with a tiny hint of a smile.  
  
"So what's the bottom line?"  
  
"Bottom line is I'm terrified of being left to raise the boys myself. But  
  
I'm just as terrified of having you sit around all day to brood. We need a  
  
middle ground. I thought this job would be it, but apparently I was wrong."  
  
"Donna, this job is the middle ground. Yes, I got too rundown and it caught  
  
up to me. I admit that. But it's time to get over it. I'm not going to  
  
promise you it won't happen again. I can't."  
  
"I know." she said as she stood up. "It probably will happen again. And  
  
maybe next time we can both deal with it a little better."  
  
"God I hope so." he said as he tentatively reached out to take her into his  
  
arms. She hesitated for a second and then melted into his embrace. It wasn't  
  
long before he felt her tears against his cheek."  
  
"Honey don't cry, please." he whispered.  
  
"Too late."  
  
"OK." he whispered as he felt tears of his own mix with hers.  
  
Finally the overwhelming need to sit down hit Josh and he pulled Donna into  
  
the living room by the hand. The ended up on the couch, side by side.  
  
"So, now what?" asked Donna. "It's only a little after 4, the night's still  
  
young. Any ideas?"  
  
"I have a few but unfortunately I have a suspicion my body won't be very  
  
cooperative." he said with a smile.  
  
"I didn't think that was on the agenda for tonight."  
  
"But it would have been nice though, some make up sex after the worst fight  
  
we've had in...well, in a long time."  
  
"I'll take a rain check, ok?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
TBC 


	13. ch 13

Stumbling Towards Contentment 13/14  
  
See part one for notes and stuff  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They just sat there for a while, the silence broken by Josh's occasional  
  
yawning and the sound of his fidgeting while he tried to get comfortable.  
  
Finally Donna scooted into the corner and pulled him back against her. She  
  
pressed a cool hand against his warm cheek. He sighed a little and leaned in  
  
to her touch.  
  
"Nice and cool." he muttered. "Feels good."  
  
"You're still pretty warm. Can I get you anything? You hungry, you didn't  
  
finish the macaroni."  
  
"Something to drink." he answered as Donna started to get up. "In a minute,  
  
just stay here for minute, please" he asked quietly.  
  
Donna nodded as she felt tears spring to her eyes again as she looked down at  
  
him. With her cool hand she brushed back his hair and caressed his face. A  
  
couple of minutes later Josh fell asleep. Donna held him for a while longer  
  
and then slipped off the couch. She pulled the afghan up over his legs and  
  
turned out the light.  
  
Donna grabbed the portable phone and stepped out the back door to get some  
  
air. She walked to the swing set and took a seat on the swing. The memory  
  
of Josh, Sam and Toby trying to put together the swing set years ago brought  
  
a smile and eventually a laugh or two. The laughter eventually dissolved  
  
into a few tears as she recalled the events of the last few days as well as  
  
the upcoming anniversary. The ringing of the phone made her jump as she  
  
wiped her face with the back of her hand.  
  
"Hello." she answered, sniffing just a little.  
  
"Donna, it's Sam."  
  
"Hi."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Uh let's see, where should I even start?" she laughed bitterly.  
  
"How's Josh?"  
  
"He's got a nasty kidney infection; spent some time yesterday in the ER for  
  
fluids and antibiotics. Still running a fever. He's asleep on the couch."  
  
"And you?"  
  
"Just great. Spent sometime kicking my husband while he was down this  
  
afternoon."  
  
"What happened?" sighed Sam as he stretched out on a lounge chair on his  
  
deck.  
  
"We had a fight and I said some things that were, uh.. pretty bad."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well, I basically accused him of driving himself into an early grave and  
  
then told him to do it in May so all my horrible memories are in the same  
  
month, makes it easier to remember them that way." she explained while trying  
  
not to sob too loudly.  
  
"Wow." was all Sam could mutter for a moment.  
  
"Yeah, Josh pretty much had the same reaction. Sam, I have never regretted  
  
saying anything more in my entire life."  
  
"What happened after that?"  
  
"Not much. We both yelled a little. Then we both realized we weren't  
  
exactly acting like adults about the whole situation. I told him the bottom  
  
line is that I'm scared to death of losing him."  
  
"I know." he said softly, "And he's terrified at the thought of leaving you  
  
alone."  
  
"I know. So he's promised to take care of himself and he's planning on going  
  
back to work on Monday."  
  
"And you're ok with that?"  
  
"I don't know...I have to be I guess. Sam, I can't wait for these next 6  
  
months to be over. I don't know how much more I can take."  
  
"Donna, do you ever talk to someone about all this?"  
  
"I talk to you, I talk to Jed and Abbey..."  
  
"That's not what I meant." he said, cutting her off.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I think you need to talk to someone."  
  
"I've thought about it. I suppose I should."  
  
"Promise me you'll look into it."  
  
"I will." said Donna as she looked up to find Josh standing against the metal  
  
frame of the sliding glass door. He looked rumpled, feverish, tired and more  
  
adorable than she could remember. With a dimpled smile he crossed the yard  
  
to sit on the other swing. "Hold on, Josh just came outside." she said. She  
  
held her hand over the phone, "It's Sam, you want to talk to him?"  
  
Josh nodded.  
  
"Sam, Josh wants to talk. I'll talk to you later in the week. Bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Donna handed Josh the phone, kissed the top of his head and went inside to  
  
get a coat for him. A minute later she came back out, set his jacket over  
  
his shoulders and set a bottle of iced tea on the slide platform. He reached  
  
out to squeeze her hand as she went back in to find something to make for  
  
dinner.  
  
Josh talked to Sam for a good half hour; giving his version of the fight,  
  
which pretty much matched up with the version Donna had told Sam. After he  
  
hung up Josh stayed outside, letting the cool evening air clear his head a  
  
little.  
  
Donna went out to check on him a while later. He was swinging slowly, his  
  
hair pretty much standing straight up thanks to the breeze and the fact that  
  
he had been running his fingers through it for the last 10 minutes. It was a  
  
nervous habit Donna had always found endearing.  
  
Josh looked up when he saw Donna come out. He put his left foot down to stop  
  
the swing as she moved to stand in front of him. With a sigh he leaned  
  
forward a little, resting his head against the soft worn cotton of the  
  
sweatshirt she wore. Inhaling the scent of her perfume he relaxed a little  
  
more. His arms came up around her waist and he reached his hands up under  
  
the sweatshirt, pressing them against the small of her back.  
  
Bending down, Donna kissed the top of his head. Her one hand came around him  
  
to rub small circles over his back. The other hand came to rest on the back  
  
of his neck, a cooling presence against his hot skin. She felt him shiver a  
  
little from a combination of the fever and the light breeze.  
  
"Come on inside, it's getting chilly out here." she said as she tipped his  
  
chin up and kissed his forehead.  
  
"OK"  
  
Donna took his hand, pulled him up and handed him the cane. He had gotten  
  
stiff while sitting out there on the swing so he followed her in slowly. They  
  
ate dinner and she sent him to take a cool shower to try and get his  
  
temperature down. She was just about to go check on him when the phone rang.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi, Donna, it's Jill Connors. Just checking to see how Josh is doing."  
  
"OK, I guess. He doesn't seem to be in as much pain but we can't get the  
  
fever below 100."  
  
"How high has it been running?"  
  
"Anywhere from just over 100 to almost 102."  
  
"Not what I wanted to hear. I'll give him another day and if it's not  
  
staying down by Monday morning I want to do some blood work, maybe run a  
  
couple of other tests."  
  
"OK. I'll let him know."  
  
"How are things going otherwise?"  
  
"Well, apart from the big fight we had, he's been pretty quiet. The  
  
anniversary of Rosslyn is tomorrow so I'm not holding out any great hope that  
  
tomorrow will be a good day."  
  
"I don't imagine it will be. Give me a call if you need anything, you have  
  
my home number right?"  
  
"I do, thanks."  
  
"Take care and call me with an update."  
  
"OK, bye."  
  
"Bye."  
  
As soon as she hung up the phone she realized she should have asked Jill for  
  
the recommendation of someone she could talk to. She made a mental note to  
  
remember to do it when she talked to her on Monday. She heard the shower  
  
turn off as she headed down the hall to the bedroom. There was a trail of  
  
clothes from the bedroom door to the bathroom and she shook her head as she  
  
leaned over to pick them up. She knocked lightly on the bathroom door and  
  
Josh told her to come in. With a snort in his direction she made a big  
  
production of showing him the dirty clothes being tossed in the hamper.  
  
"Oh, leave me alone, I'm sick." he smirked as he looked in the mirror and ran  
  
his hand over his chin. "God, I really do look like crap, don't I?" he asked  
  
as he put his glasses back on.  
  
"Yeah, and you need to shave." Donna pointed out as she hopped up on the  
  
counter.  
  
"I will." he said as he pulled his electric razor out of the charger. He  
  
shivered a little as he was only wearing a towel around his waist. "Can you  
  
grab me a pair of boxers?" he asked as he pulled his robe off the back of the  
  
door and put it on.  
  
Donna tossed a pair in to him and then went to move over a load of laundry to  
  
the dryer. As she came back down the hall she heard the hum of his razor.  
  
She peeked her head in the bathroom her eyes met his in the mirror. He  
  
smiled a little and motioned for her to come in. Resuming her position on  
  
the counter she kept him company while he finished.  
  
"Jill called. If we can't get the fever to stay below 100 by Monday she  
  
wants to do some blood work."  
  
"Great." he muttered as he pressed his palm against his cheek, trying to see  
  
if he was still feverish.  
  
Donna just laughed at him for a second before pulling him close so she could  
  
press her lips against his forehead.  
  
"Yeah, you're warm." she said as she glanced at the clock. She slid off the  
  
counter to grab some Tylenol from the kitchen. When she got back Josh was  
  
holding the ear thermometer. She laughed as she watched her mechanically  
  
inept husband struggle with something the boys knew how to use.  
  
"You could stop laughing and give me a hand." he teased as she held out the  
  
thermometer.  
  
Donna gave one last laugh, took it from him and gently put the probe in his  
  
ear. She pressed the button and 3 seconds later held it up for Josh to read.  
  
"101.6, damn." he muttered as he turned on the faucet to get a drink of water  
  
to take the pills.  
  
With the help of a sleeping pill Josh managed to sleep for about 5 straight  
  
hours before waking from a nightmare. Given the date and the fact that Josh  
  
was still running a fever the nightmare certainly wasn't a surprise. In fact  
  
when Josh woke up from it he just crept out of bed, splashed some water on  
  
his face and settled down on the couch in his study, watching CNN. Donna  
  
found him there about 7 the next morning when she got up. He was sound  
  
asleep with his glasses on. She carefully took them off, flicked off the  
  
television and pulled the blanket around him. His temperature was still up  
  
so she got a cool, damp cloth for his forehead and closed the door so he  
  
could get some more sleep.  
  
TBC 


	14. ch 14

Stumbling Towards Contentment 14/14  
  
See part one for notes and stuff.  
  
For those of you who stuck it out until the end, thank you. I would love to  
  
hear what you thought about it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The day went about as well as expected, given the date and the fact that Josh  
  
still wasn't feeling well. Two years earlier on the anniversary Josh and  
  
Donna had sat the boys down and explained things to them. In a house where  
  
CNN was on basically every hour of the day they were bound to see Josh and  
  
Jed's faces on that particular day in May so Josh and Donna told them enough  
  
for them to understand.  
  
Donna took the boys aside that morning before Josh got up and reminded them  
  
of the date. They were too cute trying to keep Josh laughing by telling bad  
  
jokes and stuff like that. Josh felt a little better although he still had a  
  
slight fever for most of the day. He walked the boys to the park around the  
  
corner after lunch and sat in the sun reading the paper while they played.  
  
As was normal for that particular day in May the phone rang constantly. Some  
  
calls Donna took, some she let the machine pick up. By 9:00 that night  
  
everyone from Bartlet's Senior Staff had called at least once. Josh was  
  
finishing up a call from Jed and Abbey while Donna got the boys settled into  
  
bed.  
  
Josh was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom when Donna came into  
  
the room. He was standing there wearing only his untied bathrobe, boxers and  
  
a pair of socks.  
  
"That's quite an outfit Joshua." she teased as she walked behind him to toss  
  
some clothes in the hamper. He didn't respond to her teasing and she stopped  
  
to actually see what he was doing. And then it hit her; he was looking at  
  
the scar on his chest. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him,  
  
resting her chin on his shoulder.  
  
"You can hardly see it anymore." she whispered as her eyes met his in the  
  
mirror.  
  
"I suppose so." he sighed. "You don't think it's ugly."  
  
"Josh, it's been 14 years. I don't even notice it anymore." she said as she  
  
slowly traced the thin line with her finger.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. Come on; let's go to bed. You need some sleep if you're going back  
  
to work tomorrow."  
  
"OK."  
  
Donna took Josh by the hand and led him to bed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The summer flew by in a flash. The entire Lyman clan was busy from the time  
  
school let out until Labor Day weekend. The boys spent time in day camp for  
  
a few weeks. Then Donna and the boys had taken a trip to Wisconsin to visit  
  
her parents and they all spent a long weekend in New Hampshire with Jed and  
  
Abbey.  
  
Josh worked hard on the campaign and did fairly well, all things considered.  
  
He had a rough time traveling for more than 3 or 4 days at a time but managed  
  
to work his schedule out so that didn't happen very often. The weather in DC  
  
had been very hot and humid for two weeks in the middle of July and he had a  
  
rough time. So he worked from home as much as he could, doing stuff over the  
  
phone and the computer.  
  
For the most part he listened to his body and took care of himself. Sure  
  
there were a few incidents over the summer, but nothing that landed him in  
  
the hospital, at least not overnight. He did spend one memorable night in  
  
the emergency room in St. Louis though. Sam and Toby had joined him for a  
  
few days and they had been playing pool when Josh's little finger somehow got  
  
in the way when Toby was breaking. He ended up needing an x-ray and  
  
eventually lost the fingernail. Josh blamed that incident on his slower than  
  
normal reflexes since the stroke. Donna knew better and blamed it on the two  
  
beers Sam let him have.  
  
Now it was two weeks away from the election. Things looked close, the  
  
Republican challenger, Stephen Baxter, was gaining ground and Josh and the  
  
rest of the staff were scrambling to hold things together. Donna was trying  
  
not to hover and was actually doing a pretty good job. She didn't bug Josh  
  
about eating or sleeping but she was known to stuff his backpack full of  
  
raisins, peanut butter crackers and other things that bordered on being good  
  
for him.  
  
Back in June she had found a therapist she liked. And it worked out well.  
  
She usually saw him every two weeks but as the election got closer she found  
  
herself going every week. He helped her to know when to take a step back and  
  
just let Josh be and when to step in. While deep down Donna was glad for the  
  
opportunity the campaign had given Josh, she was glad it was ending. He was  
  
set to go back to teaching in January and the boys were looking forward to  
  
having him around more. The novelty of visiting the White House and even  
  
traveling on Air Force One had worn off and they just wanted their dad back.  
  
The days leading up to Election Day passed by in a blur of activity, phone  
  
calls, faxes, number crunching and the occasion nap. By the morning of  
  
Election Day Josh was wiped out. The boys went with Josh and Donna to vote  
  
and then the 4 of them headed over to the White House to join the rest of the  
  
campaign staff as they spent the day glued to the television.  
  
Despite the excitement, Donna did manage to get Josh to just sit with his  
  
feet up in his office for about an hour in the late afternoon. She got him a  
  
cup of tea and shut the door, leaving Nick to stand guard for a while.  
  
At a little after midnight that night it was announced that John Hoynes had  
  
indeed won re-election. The party started immediately. Ben had stopped by  
  
to pick up the boys about 10:30, leaving Josh and Donna to celebrate the  
  
victory.  
  
Around 1:30 they headed through the West Wing on their way out of the  
  
building. As they stepped through the gate they stopped and turned back to  
  
look at the White House. The building stood stately in the light of the full  
  
moon and the bright stars. Josh put his arms around Donna and they stood  
  
there in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.  
  
The realization that his days in the White House were over hit Josh all at  
  
once and he buried his head in Donna's shoulder. She patted his back and  
  
whispered that she loved him.  
  
"This is it, isn't it?" he answered, his voice hoarse from the celebrating  
  
and the sheer exhaustion.  
  
"Yeah, this is it for the White House. Now it's time to go back to being a  
  
family."  
  
She felt him nod as he kissed her cheek and let go of her.  
  
"You wanna walk for a little while?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah." he answered softly as he took her hand and they started walking. The  
  
walked up to the Washington Monument in silence, taking a seat on the very  
  
bench where Josh had proposed years earlier. "Do you regret my taking the  
  
job?" Josh asked as he put his arm around her shoulders.  
  
"No, not at all. It was good for you. It's what you needed. And now it's  
  
time to move on."  
  
"I know. And I'm ready for whatever comes next." he said.  
  
They sat for a while, eventually ending up at home a little after 3. They  
  
collapsed into bed and slept soundly for the first time in weeks. When Josh  
  
woke up the next morning he noticed the bed was a little crowded. Sometime  
  
in wee hours of the morning both boys had crawled in with them. Jessie was  
  
in between Josh and Donna while Jake was stretched out across the end of the  
  
bed, wrapped in the blanket from the chair.  
  
Josh slid out of bed carefully, sat down in the chair and looked over at the  
  
bed. Three blonds heads stuck out from under the covers and as he watched  
  
them he felt something he hadn't felt in a long time, the feeling of complete  
  
and utter contentment. And there was nothing like that in the entire world.  
  
THE END 


End file.
